Declutter Without Perfection: How to Ditch the Instagram Standards to Create a More Peaceful, Simple Home || with Courtney Florey

Ever feel like your home is battling Instagram's "after" photos? I certainly do! My chat with Courtney Florey of Declutter and Dwell tackled this, as she believes these unrealistic standards can hinder progress by fostering comparison and pressure for perfection. We agreed homes are meant to be lived in, not just admired, and it's normal if yours isn't magazine-ready.

This pressure can deter us from even starting, fearing too much time, money, or effort, or leading to burnout. Her practical advice includes aligning your home with your life's priorities and starting with small, easy areas to build confidence and momentum. Tune in to discover how you can create a more peaceful, simple home!

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TRANSCRIPT

Monica Packer: [00:00:00] Courtney Florey, welcome to About Progress. Thanks for having me. I love your account so much and one of the biggest reasons why is because there's so much alignment in how we both teach things that can get really prescriptive and really all or nothing very quick.

And I also love it because I. Love having a home that feels more manageable. And I love interior design. I think my community knows that about me. I, I think we both share in our frustration of those after photos though, whether it's organization or interior design, where we just only see the afters of these like.

Perfectly set out beautiful containers, all cursive labels where it just feels like H how am I supposed to live in that reality? Like that isn't my reality. And it's so rare that we get to see that like where people actually show, well, here's what it looked like in the photo, but here's what it looks like in everyday life.

So I was curious if we could start with [00:01:00] how you see this modern day problem of us being inundated with. After photos influence the way people see their own home and how it can or cannot, and even how hard or how easy it is to measure up to the standards that they have out there.

Courtney Florey: Yeah. So years ago, I feel like before and after photos were.

Very popular. They still are now, but at least in my line of work, you know, clients were always sharing them and people were even telling me, I love seeing other people's before and afters because it inspires me to do the work. It kind of, yeah. Um, you know, makes me feel like if she can do it, I can do it too.

You see that like visual progress. But today, if I'm being honest, I would wonder if more people would feel. Like they were more of a hindrance to their progress because of all of the comparison, [00:02:00] because of the pressure that we can often put on ourselves to do things perfectly or to have things look a certain way.

And I wonder if people would see these after photos and assume that. Because their home doesn't look that way, that they might be failing, or they may think that this after photo is this other person's reality all the time. When sure if we're being honest and if we really look and think about it, we know like it's, it's just not true.

It's beautiful for a moment, but if you have kids or if you have a family, I mean things, homes are meant to be lived in and as a result, they're gonna look that way. And that is something that I. Really believe in and hold really tightly too, um, in this culture of feeling like we have to have our homes looking perfect because of Instagram.

Mm-hmm. Um, and I also just wanna encourage people like you are totally normal if your house doesn't look [00:03:00] like it belongs on Instagram or on the cover of a magazine despite what you see online, despite. How many people you think have it all together have a perfect home? Like that is a ve you know, the, the photos you're seeing, it's only a glimpse.

Um, and I just want, I know that has been a game changer for me as I'm on social media, remembering the pictures I see, the videos I see are merely a glimpse into this other person's life, into their home. And I don't have to feel like I need to measure up to what somebody else's house looks like. And it's really freeing too.

Adopt that, that mindset.

Monica Packer: Yeah. I'm glad you're starting by leveling with this because that means we can redefine what it looks like to have a good home. And before we do that, I just wanna say, I think because of those after photos like becoming this sneaky standard in our minds, I, I think we can disqualify ourselves from even trying because we think it takes too much time [00:04:00] or money because all of those containers are expensive and effort, and then.

The maintainability. This is just so far out of reach that it's hard to try in the first place, and then, or it can lead to burnout because you did try really hard in one area and then like two months later it looked like it had been lived in, which, you know, maybe it's 30 minutes later if you're in my household.

So. I wanna lean into that redefinition piece that I, I think you're beginning to propose for us. How can we redefine what it looks like and feels like to live in a home?

Courtney Florey: Yes. So a peaceful home to me is simple. It's comfortable, and like I said, it's lived in. Notice I said simple, not necessarily minimal. And sometimes we can get those two mixed up and feel like, well, in order to declutter or have a peaceful home, I have to get rid of everything that I own.

I, I can't ever have anything that brings me [00:05:00] joy because I can only have five shirts and two pairs of jeans and, you know, my home has to be very empty and stark and bare. And some people don't want that. And so getting to redefine what simple living looks like and what a peaceful home looks like can be overwhelming.

'cause sometimes it's like, just tell me what to do. Yeah. But what's nice is you get to. Prioritize what matters and then build a home around those things. Um, I know for me, like I want a house that is easy to manage with open space for breathing room so that I can sit on my couch, relax and exhale without looking around and feeling like I need to get up and go clean something.

'cause I think a lot of women can relate to that. I know I can, like I. Really can't fully rest until I know things are taken care of. Because in the back of my head, it's just that nagging voice you need to go pick up, you know, pick this up, you need to clean this up. And having fewer [00:06:00] things really, uh, lessens that mental burden and mental load.

Monica Packer: So I think that's what we can all do. I love the words that you use to describe your home and how you want it to feel, and that's the thing. We often do with habit formation, we actually start with how people wanna feel, whether it's like a routine in their home or a system or like a self-care habit for themselves.

And I love that that can be applied to the way you live in your house. But I think you're also right that regardless of what those words are, decluttering has to happen in some way or another for us to achieve those feelings. I wanna know more about how you got into decluttering. What's your story with this? Because it seems like such a unique thing too. You know, spend so much time on, not just for yourself, but with other people, for you to be helping other people do this, it just shows that there's a lot of meaning and thereby story behind it all.

Courtney Florey: Yeah. So when I first started this business, [00:07:00] I was not yet a mom. I was a nanny to four boys, and during that time. I was also helping manage the house. I mean, naturally I'm also just kind of that type of person. I am type A, I am someone who, you know, sees a need and is like, okay, let, let me maybe not fix this, but how can I help?

Right? Yeah. Busy family, lots going on. So, um, you know, I, I would just see where things could be simpler, honestly. Like, wow, if there were fewer, you know, toys or, or less of this like, wow, life would be simpler if there were fewer things.

So I have always been. I don't like to use the word organized because now it's, you know, professional organizing is very different than the decluttering work than I do. Mm-hmm. That I do. But I've always been naturally, we'll just use the word organized. So I knew that I wanted to help people there and.

After kind of seeing firsthand, again, I [00:08:00] wasn't a mom yet, but after seeing and working with moms in their homes, I just really developed this heart for moms because I see all that they do, right? And it's like, how can I just lighten their load a little bit? So that's really where Decluttering Dual was born.

Um, and over the years, like I've mentioned, it's kind of, it's, it's shifted and changed. And then of course I became a mom, and so I feel like I am on my own journey right alongside these women, right? Even though I may have fewer things or I may have been decluttering for longer, I just see it as this really cool, like holistic way to declutter where it's not just about.

Putting things in baskets or getting rid of things, but really looking deeper, which is like, that's the part I love. Sure. I'm like, let's go deep. Let's talk about all the things. Like that's just me, and I love to be able to encourage women on that journey and also just provide a realistic perspective.

Hmm. That's also something that I like in this age of social media, and sometimes we don't know [00:09:00] like what's real and what isn't. Right. It can just be kind of hard to filter that. So just being. Honest with people providing this like straightforward but gentle perspective to help people kind of move the needle and kind of cut through some of the fluff.

I love that stuff, so that's

Monica Packer: fantastic. That leads to another question I have for you what is the difference then between decluttering and organizing? I think people think they're synonymous, and I am. I know you already are gonna say they're not. So tell us the difference.

Courtney Florey: Yes. I'm so glad you asked. So I define organizing as buying stuff for your stuff, and sometimes that's not always the case. But a lot of what we see is we'll go out and buy these baskets so that you can put your things inside of them and put them away. And sometimes that's good, but I would say after you've decluttered, because decluttering is actually.

Eliminating the items from your home, not putting them away or tidying them, making them look pretty, but actually removing them from your [00:10:00] house, sending 'em off so that you have less to manage. Because I have seen, I mean, my son does this, you know, we have the cube system with the totes, and he has some of his toys in there, and that's great, but what happens every day, the totes get dumped out again and again.

So we don't have. Tons of stuff in there because I know I'm gonna, you know, we are gonna be picking it up every time it's stumped out. So I think just remembering it's not always about making the house look pretty and perfect. That can happen if you want it to, but after you've gotten rid of some of that stuff to make managing it easier.

Monica Packer: Mm-hmm. And that's where I feel like we get. Hooked, you know, line and sinker because we're looking at all these after photos of the beautifully organized things when sometimes there's a lot of things and most of us don't have that quite amount of space. And so decluttering seems like not only the first step, but also the most essential one. So let's talk about decluttering. [00:11:00] The biggest hurdle, I think, to reaching those feelings in an everyday sort of way and in a sustainable way.

And I have found that decluttering is surprisingly deep for people. It's not just this superficial thing, it's very overwhelming, um, for most people. So I was curious if you could give us some tips on how they can declutter in a way that feels more approachable. And effective still while also being, I guess, sustainable overall.

Courtney Florey: Yeah. So kind of like I touched on a bit ago, it is so important to know your priorities in life.

Monica Packer: Mm-hmm.

Courtney Florey: In this very season. And this is something that I've discovered over the years of decluttering, over the years of talking about decluttering. The things that I taught when I started, you know, six years ago are a little bit different than they are now because [00:12:00] Uhhuh I've seen in my life how important, and also since becoming a mom 'cause so much changes there too, how life-giving it has been to I.

Align the things in my home with what matters most to me in life. So for an example, if you are a busy family with lots of extracurriculars, activities, involvements, like this is a busy season for you. Mm-hmm. It might not make sense to have two of your storage closets jam packed with things that you don't even ever use while the sports gear and things that you are using on a daily basis don't have a home or are on the floor in the garage.

Right. That's kind of something tangible that you can think about, um, as you are making these decisions on what to keep and what to let go of. For me, I'm not interested in adding any more, cleaning, any more managing of the house to my plate. I have enough of that, and so as a result, when I'm [00:13:00] thinking about bringing things into my home before I make the purchase or say yes to.

The box of hand-me-downs or whatever it is. I'm gonna think, and I know this can sound, you know, it may be overwhelming. You're like, oh my gosh, I have to think every time. But it does become a habit. And over time you just start to think, okay, do I want this in my house? Do I have space for it? Do I want to have space for it?

'cause sometimes you have the physical space, but you don't wanna fill it. 'cause like we talked about earlier, you want that breathing room. A little bit of open space to just be in your home and when you can think about these things. Before buying the item and bringing it in, because once you do that, then you have to make that decision to keep it or get rid of it.

It can really help to cut back on the clutter and it really helps life to feel more aligned with. What is most valuable to you? And like I mentioned, it's seasonal. It will change as kids get older as your [00:14:00] interests, vary. Um, and I think that's a really beautiful thing too, because it doesn't have to look the same and chances are it won't look the same year to year.

Monica Packer: So that speaks to being more intentional, right? Overall. Both like how you lay out your space and where you put things depending on how much you use them to, and also preemptively. So that's a great tip. What, what else do you have for them? I.

Courtney Florey: Yeah. So I would encourage you to think about why it feels hard to let go of some of your things.

Hmm. Um, you may have some things in mind. Maybe it's, maybe it's things in your closet. Maybe you have sentimental items in your garage. Maybe it's, maybe it just feels hard to let go. In general. There can be so many reasons why, but to name a few common ones. Some people worry that they, they won't feel like themself without their face.

Yeah. And that goes into a whole realm of identity and redefining. [00:15:00] And thinking about where you find your identity. 'cause for some women, it's their fashion. They love their fashion and, and it defines them. And that's not a bad thing. It's great. Fashion is fun, clothes are fun, and those things can absolutely accentuate you, but your clothes don't make you you.

Right? So thinking about where you are, um. Finding your identity and then what you're prioritizing can really help to kind of peel back the layers and help you to let go a little bit easier. Um, 'cause sometimes we clinging on like, if I don't have this, then I'm gonna be a different person or I'm gonna feel a certain way.

Um, and so it can be something to think about and also. To remember that stuff is just stuff. I know it can feel hard when you have these emotions and memories attached to them. Um, it can feel like it's the memory itself or the person itself. And if you let go of it, then you know, you'll, you'll forget those memories or you'll forget about [00:16:00] that person who is, you know, so important to you.

But, um, I know it's really grounding for me to remember like, okay, this pair of jeans it's just an item and I can treasure these, um, these memories in my heart and those will stay with me forever. Another one is keeping things just in case out of fear of letting them go.

Mm-hmm. And someday needing them again. And I can tell you I have yet, I mean, unless I'm forgetting, I don't think I am, but I have yet to have somebody. You know, come back to me after getting rid of something and tell me, I really wish I would've kept it. Sure, that may happen every now and again, but I'm sharing this to kind of prove like overall people feel lighter when they let things go.

And usually I don't hear about a lot of people regretting it. They're like, no, I regret I didn't do this sooner. Because of the freedom, I feel the relief of letting some of these things go and having less in my home. And then another [00:17:00] one, and this is usually the most common, is sometimes we just avoid it 'cause we're overwhelmed or we're afraid of making tough decisions.

And the key is. Thinking about where you wanna go, how you wanna feel in your home, like we talked about and starting small. And, um, I'll share some, some practicals later on of, of what you can do to start the process to dip a toe in without feeling like it's all or nothing. 'cause I know we can all that way or without feeling like you have to do it perfectly 'cause there's no such thing.

Monica Packer: Yeah, there are areas in my home that have. Ben that proverbial hit my toe against them, for literal years and I've just taken care of two of them the past two months and it has felt so good. And the biggest reason why I wasn't able to work on the rooms, what was because of that overwhelm piece, like there just simply wasn't time.

Um. So that's why I'd love to hear more of your, Hey, here's some small ways that [00:18:00] you can begin that are more doable, like ways to eat that elephant, uh, because I've gotta tell you, that's really what it took for me to finally get those two big areas started and finished.

Courtney Florey: Yes. So before I share some practicals, something I want to just encourage you to think about before you start is if you feel like you've fallen into the bow of, um, feeling like you have to have a perfect home.

I want you to think about why that is. Do you feel like you put that pressure on yourself? Do you feel like you have pressure from other people around you? Is it 'cause of social media? Because I know we can, we do that and then we feel stuck because we have these like really high and unrealistic standards and then we feel like we can't go anywhere because

Monica Packer: yeah.

Courtney Florey: We can't achieve perfection. I mean, it's impossible. So, um, I want you to just remember like a, a lived in, realistic home working, [00:19:00] taking those small steps like that is the goal. That's what we're all doing here. Yeah. Um, and so with that, when you start the process, I want you to pick a tiny area. I did not say whole room.

Sure. A tiny space, um, that you can declutter from start to finish. So for example, maybe it's your car, maybe it's the fridge, maybe it's one drawer in your kitchen. The key is to choosing an area where decision making is going to be relatively easy. So maybe don't dive into your closet or the box of mementos from your grandmother.

Pick somewhere that, you know, I can, you know, clear out stuff from the fridge. I have leftovers from two weeks ago that I can easily toss and sit back and just. Look at it. Look at the space. What I love about decluttering is you get that visual transformation. You can see the results pretty quickly, even if they're small, and I don't want you to [00:20:00] disregard small progress, right?

Mm-hmm. Because it can be so easy to look at your house as a whole and think, oh, I just did one drawer. Like, I really don't notice a difference that wasn't that, you know, it wasn't worth it, or it's not worthy enough progress. But it is, and when you can be consistent with it, like many other things, you will see that it adds up.

And I have found when the progress feels more realistic, you're gonna stick with it. You're gonna do it. Um, because it's not gonna feel so daunting. It's, you're not gonna be setting yourself up for failure by saying, okay, I need to declutter my garage this weekend in one go. And if I don't do it, you know, then.

I'm gonna be upset because that is hard. And decluttering is exhausting because it is emotionally draining. 'cause there are so many decisions that have to be made. If decluttering was just chucking stuff in a trash bag and bringing it to Goodwill, it would be easy. But it's the decision making piece that can feel really daunting.

Yes. So when you [00:21:00] start somewhere that's easy. Check that off the list. It really gives you this confidence boost. And I also read something the other day about. Dopamine being released when you can start and complete a task. Hmm. Like I mentioned, it's highly visual. So you see like, okay, I did it again. No matter how small you did it, you can keep going.

You are capable of doing this.

Monica Packer: I find it also starts that momentum. Um, it, you know, which is just a small bit of energy helps you. Create more energy. Actually it's an effort building energy, which is really fun. It gets that ball rolling. Which is really gratifying too. So sometimes I, I tell my clients with this, with other things like, then you can ride the momentum wave.

Like when you catch it, catch it and ride it all the way in. And if you, and if you don't, you still have that small bit of progress that stands as a testament that like, oh look, I did that and that feels good. Yeah. So speaking to the identity piece, I think it's [00:22:00] fascinating that you brought that up because that's one of those sneaky, sneaky things.

Um, identity really is the key to so much of how we navigate our lives and how we see ourselves within that life. I wanted to know more about how decluttering, it seems so practical, but again, we've already spoke to how it's actually so much deeper.

What benefits have you seen, maybe we'll say, both deeply and practically, and maybe even related to identity here, both in your clients and in yourself? Like how has that helped shift things?

Courtney Florey: Yeah, so I have really, thought about where I find my identity over the years. As I'm decluttering, as I'm just going through life and, um, you know, personally for me, like I find my identity in Christ and stuff, like I mentioned before, is temporary.

And I know that my hope in Christ is eternal. And so I find a lot of peace in that knowing. Like regardless of the things that I have or don't have, um, the things that I let go of, [00:23:00] like. I, I have a lot of peace in my life because it's not about the things that I own. Yes, those things are helpful and they're practical and I use them, but that's not like, those things aren't where I'm looking to define me, which can also be a big relief.

Again, with social media and all the things we see feeling like we have to keep up. It's a breath of fresh air to just exhale and say. I am content in my life and contentment is a huge part of my story that we didn't even get to really dive into. But, um, I think a lot of people are looking for contentment and it's hard when you're looking to things to like gratify the those desires because

it is like you know, we place an Amazon order, we're super excited about it. It comes to our doorstep and a lot of the time we're already over it. Like, it was the anticipation that was so exciting and so exhilarating. And then once we actually get the thing, we're like, oh, okay, what's next?

It's so, um, here and gone. So that has given me a lot of peace in my life. Just kinda, [00:24:00] I like to say putting stuff in its place. Um. Internally. Right. So you can do it more internally, internally and physically. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Um, another one, I was thinking back to me in 2018 when I started declutter and dwell on me.

Now I bicker with my husband less about stuff because I'm not as rigid as I was, and I respect that he has his things and I have mine, and those may look different. I know this can be a huge point of contention with, uh, spouses because one person maybe wants things a certain way. The other one, typically one person probably owns more than the other.

Right. And so there can be this like, well, you need to get rid of things, or, you know, it can, it can be, it can be challenging. Yeah. But as I've kind of been less rigid about how many things or what we have and you know, like I said, more focused more on priorities and then just. Kind of becoming a little bit more relaxed about it because this is a real life, [00:25:00] right?

You can have goals and um, you know, strive to live simply, but also not be so like uptight about it. And of course, when you have a family, like everyone's gonna have their own things and you can only do so much. So, um, I know that's helped me a lot too, and. A really awesome story that I just love sharing about one of my clients, is about a woman named Sarah.

She grew up with parents who had hoarding tendencies and had a lot of things in their home. That was just what they were used to. That was what she was used to. It was how she was raised. And she got married. She had two kids, and she started to feel really overwhelmed by how much she had and how much she had to manage and.

We worked together for years, and by the end of, you know, that period, she truly was a different person. She was totally transformed. She didn't even need me anymore. She's like, girl, like I, I feel so confident in my ability to maintain a home. She got rid of so much stuff. [00:26:00] She let, so, um, so many things go.

And what's beautiful is that she did this work to break these generational habits that she grew up with. Mm-hmm.

Monica Packer: And

Courtney Florey: now it's to model to her kids what it looks like to steward a home, to, you know, maintain a house that feels comfortable to, you know, again, kind of think about identity and possessions in their life.

And, um, it was really, really. Wonderful to see how decluttering could really change, um, somebody's life and not only her life, but impact her kids and future generations to come. That's

Monica Packer: beautiful to

Courtney Florey: hear.

Monica Packer: Before I ask you the final question, tell people how they can find you and work with you.

Courtney Florey: You can find me on Instagram at Declutter and Dwell. I have our, uh, membership. The Simplicity Society that may have launched by now. So you can check that out, um, on my website, declutter and dwell.com. And I also [00:27:00] have a free guide, um, it's called The 10 in 10 Guide that you can download with 10 simple things that you can declutter in 10 minutes to start making progress in your home.

Monica Packer: That may lead to our final question, which is always what is one saw way women can take action on what they learned today?

Courtney Florey: Yes, so. Get clear on your priorities in this season first before doing any of that. Take some time to jot those things down like we talked about today. Like really think about them and then go tackle your 10 minute project.

'cause this is where you're gonna get clarity on what to get rid of and then you'll know, okay, I know where I can start and you can go do it. Hmm.

Monica Packer: This has been so fabulous to talk with you. Thank you very much Courtney. And I can't wait for people to discover and learn more from you. Thanks for having me.

Well done. We pulled it off even though I was quite janky.

So I'm curious how decluttering. So, let [00:28:00] me say that again.

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