Facing a Career Crossroads: How to Control What You Can in the Face of Uncertainty || Coaching Call with Sheila

In a recent coaching call with Sheila we explored the challenges she faces at a career crossroads. After overcoming cancer, Sheila is determined to return to work part-time, yet faces employer resistance to her accommodations. Together, we addressed her fears of ageism and the struggle to find fulfilling, part-time work.

Sheila's journey illustrates the power of letting fears inform wise actions without controlling us. By preparing for age bias and embracing her teaching passion, she's opening herself to new opportunities. In moments of reflection, I encouraged Sheila to ask: "Am I doing what I can? Can I be proud of myself?" This approach helps transform fear into possibility, and can inspire you, too, to confidently navigate personal crossroads and assert your worth.

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TRANSCRIPT

Monica Packer: [00:00:00] why do we even work through the fears then, if, you know, a lot of them are valid.

It's not to dismiss them, it's to let these fears inform the wise actions you wanna take from here in ways that you can look back and be proud of how you met them.

 

Monica Packer: Hi, I am Monica Packer and you are listening to about progress where we are about progress made practical.

When you're at a crossroads in your life, whether it's with a job, a relationship, or even a shift in raising your kids, it can be really scary to move forward because there is so much unknown. A lot of times the fears that we hold onto are actually trying to keep us safe,

and we can't fully move forward without more concrete answers so that we can make more informed decisions. In this position, I want you to know you do still have options and [00:01:00] ways to move through your fears. Today you're going to hear a powerful coaching conversation with Sheila, a Progressor who finds herself at a crossroads in her career at 61 years old after battling cancer and pushing herself to return to work part-time.

She's now facing the challenge of an employer unwilling to honor her accommodations. Together we unpack what it looks like to clarify what you truly want. To face fears without letting them control you and to move forward with courage and self-advocacy. If you've ever felt stuck, unseen, or afraid of what's next in your life, this coaching call with Sheila perspective you need

to get on the other side of whatever's next.

That coaching call is coming up after quick break for our sponsors.

 

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Monica Packer: I have really exciting news on the book front. A quick catch up, if you haven't heard, I have been writing a book on gentle, flexible habit formation for women this year, and I am so lucky to have gotten a literary agent and now a book deal. Which means I can officially tell you the book is called Happy Habits and it will be released hopefully in the fall of 2026.

And this is where I need you. Leading up to the launch of this book, I need a committee of gal pals just like you to be my early test readers, to pre-order the book and to act as grassroots publicists moment each of [00:04:00] these steps are made ready and to potentially act as an advanced reader.

Would you like to be on that book launch committee? And get the latest updates behind the scenes and first dibs on all book news. While you're at it, go to about progress.com/book committee, and when you sign up, you'll get a newsletter automatically with all the past updates I've given, including behind the scenes and sneak peeks.

The link is in the show notes for you. Again, it's about progress.com/book committee. I can't wait to share as much as I can with you along the way, and I am so eager for you to get your hands on this book

 

Monica Packer: Sheila, thank you so much for being willing to do this coaching call with me today. It's good to have you here.

Sheila: Thank you.

Monica Packer: You're welcome.

Sheila: I'm excited.

Monica Packer: So we've been talking a lot off this call, about where you're at with your job situation, which is pretty tricky.

You're at a crossroads, and you're feeling stuck.

Sheila: Yes.

Monica Packer: So today we're gonna work through that in a way that we're not necessarily [00:05:00] walking through the decision process, but I wanna help you get some clarity as you move through the decision process. I wanna begin with, tell me what you're feeling right now in terms of your job.

Like how would you describe those feelings?

Sheila: Frustrated, honestly. Okay. Very disappointed that. After working in this particular position for nearly five years that this issue , has surfaced without any prior discussions with my supervisor and when I had a meeting a couple of weeks ago with his acting supervisor and also another coordinator.

I asked for specific examples and they could not provide me with any specific examples. Mm-hmm. For their reason to deny. My current part-time status.

Monica Packer: I think it may be helpful too to set up a a little bit more, and [00:06:00] again, I know this, but we're gonna do it in a way that's still kind of, you know, protective of where you're at and you know of your job too.

But are you comfortable sharing, like you work on a part-time basis right now as an accommodation? Yes. As you recover from cancer?

Sheila: Yes.

Monica Packer: Correct. And you're worried your job is on the line with. Their refusal to accommodate and their demand to have you return to work full-time. Is that correct? Correct. Okay.

And

Sheila: in person,

And I have a doctor's letter stating that, that he's requested that and legally I have contacted an attorney and I can file with the Civil Rights office. However, I was hoping to resolve this. Yeah, without. The fear of retaliation. Oh, yeah. And, and all the work and the turmoil that goes into that for you as well.

Monica Packer: Yes, yes. I have spent a number of hours on my own time outside of work, contacting supervisors, trying to defend [00:07:00] myself really, which I don't feel like I should have to when I have a valid doctor's letter. And and done good work too, right? It's my performance have a history of good work. My perform reviews have always been excellent.

Mm-hmm. And those that I've contacted, had never been contacted about this before. So I really doubt their claims of being actively engaged in an interactive process to determine their reasons for not being able to continue my reasonable accommodation. I, I don't feel that their statements were valid or supported and they couldn't support those in any way when we met, which is alarming to me.

Yeah, I mean, alarming is the right word. I think also the words you use of, uh, frustrated and disappointed and at being at this place in your life and your career where it can feel like you are stuck and in some ways starting over or not wanting to, but maybe you need to consider that. And I'm gonna acknowledge that there are so many moving parts [00:08:00] of what's to come for you that we.

Can't take care of right now because we don't know what those next things are. But what I do believe we can help you with is to get some clarity and some inner strength to ground you as you move through making decisions with your current workplace or trying to explore some other opportunities. There are two big categories I think I can help you explore, and the first is what you want, and the second is what you are afraid of.

Because those are the two blocks to us making decisions that will feel in alignment because it's kind of scary to consider both, to be honest. When I say, what do you want? You may not think that the first reaction to that for many women would be fear, but it often is. And same thing with fears. You know, what are you afraid of?

Well, they're, they're afraid for right reasons. So let's start with, what do you want when I ask you that question? Are there any answers that immediately rise up to the top? And if not, that's [00:09:00] okay too and we'll talk through it.

Sheila: Yes. I really would like, because I must continue working. Mm-hmm. I really would like to feel fulfilled, to feel like I am doing something that I enjoy, because right now I don't feel that that sense of fulfillment and.

I also certainly don't feel appreciated based on their response, the department's response to my reasonable accommodation. Mm-hmm. So I would like those two things and I would like to, I would like to honestly continue working part-time because,

Monica Packer: okay.

Sheila: Although I'm still in treatment, I do have to receive antibody infusions based on my.

You know, levels, which can vary from month to month. There are side effects from those infusions. It's unpleasant. I may have to have those. I read an article [00:10:00] recently about a man who went through the same type of treatment that I received, and he, he's, he's required to have those infusions for the rest of his life.

So,

Monica Packer: so that could be a long road for you too?

Sheila: Yes. Okay. Right. And my energy levels, I am, as hard as I've pushed myself, I'm not the same person I was before. Yeah. In terms of energy. And I think that that's something that's been. Really difficult for me to come to terms with and acknowledge, and I'm still in the process of trying to give myself grace.

Mm and trying to choose to focus on, look how far I've come, rather than measuring it against a standard that isn't probably realistic for me at this point in my recovery. Okay.

Monica Packer: So I have, you want to continue working. You want and need to continue to work. You want to find a meaningful [00:11:00] work that helps you feel more fulfilled.

Sheila: Yes. Um,

Monica Packer: you want to feel appreciated. You want to work part-time. So we're getting a mix of deep and practical sides to this. And I would say you want to feel accepted. And not just appreciate. I think you wanna be accepted by your workplace for the good work that you do, and also accepted for where you're at right now with your health.

And to accept yourself better in the process too, which just sounds like you've already been working on, which is so good and so hard at the same time.

Sheila: It definitely has been hard.

Monica Packer: Yeah,

Sheila: it's very true.

Monica Packer: So we're going to use what you just answered, and I'm really proud of you that you were able to answer that by the way.

You were able to acknowledge this is what I want. Because again, a lot of women get afraid of, of owning that. And in owning though what you want, this is your target for what you are going to reach for. On the other side of this, whether that's staying with this [00:12:00] job and the ways that you pursue doing so or.

Leaving this job and finding another position. This is your target fulfillment part-time work appreciated, accepted, accommodated. How does that feel knowing it's your target?

Sheila: I completely agree and I know that I have listened to you talk on your podcasts about that it's okay to want more and I feel like.

I'm at a place in my life where I've really honed in and looked at my priorities and what I want and what I value. And although it's necessary for me to continue working,

I don't want to just sacrifice my own desires, okay. To just push through the next. Four to five years. Okay.

[00:13:00] 

Monica Packer: That's really important. So, and in fact, that answers the question I was gonna ask you next, and there may be more there though, so let me ask it anyway. And it's how in owning that this is what you want, how does it change anything for you about what you know you need to do from here?

One I just wrote down for you is to not sacrifice anymore. Like, to not totally sacrifice everything you want to just stay the course, but what else do you think you may need to do differently moving forward?

Sheila: Well, it it, I think it leads into one of the challenges that I face. One of the fears that I have is being able to find part-time work , I'd like to continue not necessarily the agency or the department, but with the state for [00:14:00] retirement benefits. So, and to be honest, finding part-time work is incredibly difficult. Yeah. Most positions that are posted are full-time positions. I've been on hiring panels, I've done interviewing. I've worked alongside our HR people as a personnel liaison.

I've, I've had that role as well, and I know that many, many of the positions, it's, it's, again, it's very, very difficult to find part-time work.

Monica Packer: Okay,

Sheila: so that is a fear that I have.

Monica Packer: Okay. Well let, let's stick with the blocks then with the fears for a moment, if that's okay. Let's stick with those fear blocks.

One is the fear of, can I find part-time work? Or what if I don't find part-time work? Or, how would you word that fear?

Sheila: What are my options? I know what I want. [00:15:00]

Monica Packer: Yeah,

Sheila: but what are my options to help me achieve what I want in terms of a flexible schedule and having this work life balance?

Monica Packer: So what if I don't have options Yes.

Sheila: . Or what if I can't find the option that matches what I want and what I feel like I need? Mm-hmm. Okay. What are other fears that come up? Certainly ageism comes into play. Mm-hmm. I, I know that having served on interview panels, although age discrimination is against the law.

Monica Packer: Yeah, it does definitely come into play. And just the fear that perhaps I am not as. Tech savvy as some of younger potential candidate job candidates might be.

Sheila: I do have my bachelor's degree again, I've been [00:16:00] working in this position for almost five years, and I had nearly four and a half years with, the previous agency that I worked for, so I'm certainly not new.

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Sheila: You know, and I've promoted in this role, but

Monica Packer: mm-hmm.

Sheila: I think the, the fear of ageism discrimination, I've, I feel like I've already felt that with my reasonable accommodation being threatened at this time.

Monica Packer: Okay. So the fear not finding. A good match. That match. Yes.

Sheila: Yes.

Monica Packer: Fear of not finding good, a good match that meets your wants and your needs. A fear of being judged for your age or your tech savviness. A fear of being discriminated against. I'd also say a fear of not being seen or understood.

Sheila: Yes, definitely.

Monica Packer: That's, you know, under all of those, honestly, which is so understandable.

Sheila: Right. And I have [00:17:00] been looking, I've been uhhuh, you know, on LinkedIn, I've been looking at other positions, but a lot of the part-time work are at. Significant decreases, which mm-hmm. Again, I'm only working part-time, so I don't feel like I can really afford, nor do I want to, to have to go backwards.

Sure. At this point in my life or my career mm-hmm. I feel like I've worked too hard to, to settle for less.

Monica Packer: Okay. So what if I settle, there's another fear, or I have to settle.

Sheila: Right. That I'll be forced to choose something. Mm-hmm.

Monica Packer: And the truth is, and this is the hard truth, is we can't answer those questions yet.

Some of these fears could be realized. A lot of this is out of your control, which is so hard to face. You can't control how someone on the other side of the table interviewing [00:18:00] you is going to judge you, right? Or the opportunities that are out there, you can't control that. So then comes a question, why do we even work through the fears then, if, you know, a lot of them are valid.

It's not to dismiss them, it's to let these fears inform the wise actions you wanna take from here in ways that you can look back and be proud of how you met them. So how could you meet these fears from a place of wisdom? End of courage, end of truth. Meaning we're not just gonna dismiss things or say that's not gonna happen, but how can you meet these in a way that you can ultimately be proud of?

Sheila: I've used LinkedIn, I have that available through my employment, so I've been able to take classes and I, I recently [00:19:00] took a class on ageism, and I think facing my fears helps me to better prepare for facing, mm-hmm. These obstacles to be able to overcome. Not that someone would blatantly.

Monica Packer: Obviously bring out my age, for example, in an interview panel. But being able to speak to the experience that I've gained, previously I think would be helpful and more mature workers do. They're established, they have strong work ethics. There are many positives. That I feel like I would speak to in order to overcome what could potentially be an obstacle, perhaps in an interviewer's mind.

So, so what you're doing right here is you're shaping out what we just talked [00:20:00] about. So much of those fears, like we said, our valid in terms of, we don't know, we can't dismiss them, but they can inform what you can do. And from here I'm hearing you say, I can prepare. I can prepare for someone judging me. I can prepare for it being difficult to find a job that matches my needs and my wants, and I can do that by owning my strengths.

The strengths I bring to this table as being someone who's not 21 and starting a job there. So what are those like? Knowing what those are can be part of my preparation. Knowing how to talk about them in an interview format, knowing how to put it in a resume, sounds like a really important thing.

 

Monica Packer: We mistakenly believe that a good mom equates a martyr mom. But all this does is create worn out moms who find more resentment than fulfillment in motherhood. [00:21:00] It is good to want more moms who have more in their lives, have more to give from more energy, more fun, more love, because they are more themselves.

If this is appealing to you, I want to invite you to my first inaugural More for Moms Conference. It's a free seven day conference. I'm hosting for moms who are ready for more in their lives, more in their happiness habits, help home and hobbies, and you guys are getting the first dibs. You can go to about progress.com/more for moms to check out what I have been working on for several months

including the 25 high caliber speakers that we are hosting for this seven day event.

Each world class speaker will teach deep and practical ways for mothers to access more fulfillment. Joy and progress in their lives. And this shift matters not only because it helps enrich their families, but because each woman is a person in her own right and worthy of more, [00:22:00] it's time for you to lean into more.

Go to about progress.com/more for moms. I cannot wait to have you part of the conference.

 

Monica Packer: How else do you think you can prepare?

Sheila: I have researched, I know that there are a couple of upcoming job affairs that I plan on attending. Uh, my minor is in public health. Yeah, and I love teaching, so I'm going to be looking at, uh, positions in social services for community outreach, for example.

Monica Packer: Okay,

Sheila: so,

Monica Packer: so you can, you can go to job conferences.

Yes. You can have an open mind about. D doing something different.

Sheila: Yes, and I think I'm ready. Honestly, I feel ready to do something different, and although it might feel [00:23:00] somewhat scary and intimidating, I also know that I feel really passionate about children's health, for example, and children's literacy and mental health access to mental health services.

Those are things that. I explored through my studies with public health for when I was going and getting my bachelor's degree. Mm-hmm. So I would like to, there are two job fairs. One through the Department of Public Health that's coming up.

Monica Packer: Oh, fantastic. One

Sheila: through social services. Okay. And I actually scheduled an appointment in a week and a half to talk with

an employment specialist through social services. So I'm hoping to get some career guidance in that area. . Which I think would be really helpful. Okay. And help me not feel so afraid and to maybe speak to my strengths more.

Monica Packer: Okay. This is [00:24:00] fantastic because what I'm experiencing on my side of this is. A shift, like I feel almost a shift like in owning your wants and stating your fears.

Now you're able to move into a place of ownership of what you actually can control and what you can do in the face of so much unknown here. And so let's, let's kind of recap a bit for you that, that, that means preparing. It means owning your strengths and figuring out how to share them from resume to interview to make you, um, more attractive to certain jobs you want.

It means going to , job fairs. It means going to career. I can't read my own handwriting. Career. Guides. Guides? Is that what you said?

Sheila: Yes. Mm-hmm.

Monica Packer: Career guides. It means talking to people. It means exploring. It means like you are in this place almost of possibility, more than [00:25:00] fear, and it's not because the fears aren't valid and that they don't exist.

It means that in, even with those fears, I am choosing to lead with curiosity about what could be possible.

So that's kind of a recap, Sheila. I also

Sheila: believe too, that I know that God gives each of us certain talents and I don't feel like I'm really using the talents that I've been blessed with that other people have identified. I don't mean to sound boastful in any way, but I love teaching and have been passionate about teaching.

Yes, I've had opportunities to do that through church and in training other employees, for example, and I've always received. Really positive feedback where people have, have commented that that is a strength, that they feel like I'm mm-hmm. Gifted in that area. So I feel like that's part of [00:26:00] wanting more in, yes, in identifying and saying, am I really living up to my potential?

Am I really using the gifts that, that I've been blessed with and honestly in my position now, I can't answer that with a yes.

Monica Packer: Sure. And

Sheila: I want to change that.

Monica Packer: I, I, I feel more determination for you, but also confidence in owning, like, this is what I want, this is what I'm good at, this is what I can see happening.

I would definitely follow that thread of teaching, whether or not you. You actually become a teacher in some format, that's a skillset that you can follow with what you're looking for. So as we said at the beginning, we can't solve the problem yet, right? But what What we can't do is give you the clarity and the confidence and the courage, I would say, on how to move forward with what you can control.

I'm just gonna give you a couple of questions that I want you to hold on to as you move through this process [00:27:00] too. Whenever you finish an interview or you talk to someone at a job fair and you walk away from that conversation, or you get off LinkedIn after a search, I want you to ask these kinds of questions and it's, am I doing what I can?

Can I be proud of myself

and what can I control in this situation? And sometimes the answer is I can control remaining curious or I can control the determination I know inside me that there is more there and it's time to honor that. Or I can control giving myself a break right now. Resting from that disappointment, or I can get, let myself get excited about an option I'm ready to pursue, or a conversation that went really well.

Can you picture yourself doing that

Sheila: now that [00:28:00] you've suggested asking those questions? I will use those, but. Could I, before this conversation, have pictured myself reframing it in a positive way? I probably would've maybe walked away from an interview or a job fair and maybe felt discouraged, like perhaps that didn't go well. So now choosing to ask those questions I think will will be helpful.

Monica Packer: To me, it's more of an, and I think you're allowed to feel the other things too, but to make space for the, and here I think is what is going to help you ultimately move through this time in a way where you can be proud of yourself,

Sheila: right?

Monica Packer: Where you can own, I am doing what I can and for that I can rest a little easier.

Sheila: Yes.

[00:29:00] 

Monica Packer: What do you wanna make sure you remember from this conversation? If there's just one thing.

Sheila: That I deserve to fight for what I want. I think with denying my reasonable accommodation, I, I think that they perhaps thought that I would just sit down and just acquiesce to their demands that I don't feel a reasonable based on my doctor's request and its recommendation. I think that just giving myself the permission to continue to advocate for myself, to fight for what I want, to not just sit down and just give up.

Monica Packer: Let that be. The main core of what pushes you forward here, that's huge. I deserve to fight for what I want and what you want is allowed to be different too, you know? [00:30:00] Yes. With, as you get more information and answers and, and lean into that possibility, I'm so anxious and hopeful for you to find that. And I also have full confidence that you will.

Sheila: Thank you

Monica Packer: on the other side. I, I know that's what's coming for you.

Sheila: I spoke with, um, my therapist yesterday and she's followed this process. Mm-hmm. And she complimented me yesterday and said, I think you're handling this really well. And I was honestly shocked and said. Well, I'm surprised because if you'd been at my house yesterday, during my workday, when I went in and talked to my husband and was in tears mm-hmm.

Saying, I don't wanna do this anymore, I can't do this anymore. And she said, yes, you're going to have those moments. But

Monica Packer: yeah,

Sheila: you're facing it. You're getting through it. And so that to me was really affirming and validating that maybe I am handling this better than. Than I was certainly a month [00:31:00] ago when I got the email.

And

Monica Packer: yeah, this is where Sheila, you know, we're gonna go back to those questions. Am I doing what I can, can I be proud of myself and what I've done?

Can I, can I be confident in what I have done? What I can control. And if you can answer those questions in a way that makes you feel like yes, then that's all you need to really know at the end of the day. And yes, more things will come and more things will need to be taken care of. But this is, this is the core that's gonna move you through it.

I, I'm so appreciative that you'd be willing to share and you need to keep us updated on how things go for you. Please do.

Sheila: And I hope that other women. Can also somehow find the courage to fight for what they want. That it, you know, it really is okay. And I've learned so much that life is about being flexible, whether it's with our jobs, our our health, things change and it's [00:32:00] okay to reassess what we need and what we want and to, to be our own best advocate.

Monica Packer: There's no better words to end on than that. Thank you, Sheila.

Sheila: Thank you so much, Monica. Have a wonderful day and know that I appreciate you so much.

Monica Packer: Same to you. You are.

/

 

Monica Packer: I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants you need to grow. I'll now share the progress pointers. These are the notes I took so you don't have to, and those on my newsletter, get them in a graphic form each week. You can sign up at about progress.com/newsletter, and the progress pointers I share here on the podcast are a shortened version of what you will get in the graphic form.

When you are facing a crossroads, one, own what you want. Two, acknowledge your fears instead of suppressing them. Three, focus on what [00:33:00] you can control. Four, lead with your strengths and five, advocate for yourself. Again, the longer version is there for you on the [email protected] slash newsletter.

We recorded this quite recently, so I don't have an update for you on Sheila, but I am really proud of her and her courage and being able to talk about something so tricky as she is navigating the next steps in her career and in her life.

This podcast is listener supported. Members of the Supporters Club make my work with about progress free and available to all, and in return they get access to three levels of exclusive benefits from more time to more content. With me, I've been having a blast on more personal lately. This is my private premium ad free show

that is for two levels of the Supporters Club. We are soon going to air a Marriage movie club with Brad and I on Pride and Prejudice because I'm about to go on my own Pride and Prejudice pilgrimage to England, and that is a real thing and I cannot wait. So make sure you listen in and sign up for the Supporters Club at about progress.com/support.[00:34:00]

You can always support the show for free. The best way to do that right now is to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. And in doing so, you automatically qualify for my yearly giveaway that I do each fall. And since it's a giveaway that I do on a rolling basis, you're way more likely to win something if you put in a review now.

Thank you so much for listening. Now go and do something with what you learned today.

 

Sheila: and I know you've got to go.

I don't want you to be fine. Sorry I'm

Monica Packer: motioning to my husband 'cause he is trying to ask if he needs to go, but I got it. Yeah. Oh, please continue. Don't stop.

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