Habits That Are Helping || Why Habits Matter During Hard Times and 3 that are Helping Me Right Now

Life can feel overwhelmingly chaotic, and I've often found myself needing help to navigate through it. During these tumultuous times, I've learned that small, consistent habits are crucial. By embracing habits that are personal, seasonal, and flexible, I can help myself feel more grounded and less overwhelmed. Recently, my life has been filled with professional demands like editing a book and preparing for a conference, all while managing the complexities of family life. To cope, I've been playing the piano more often—it's a soothing escape that helps me reset my mind. I've also focused on maintaining strict boundaries with my time, like adhering to a rhythm schedule for work and home. Weekends are for unwinding with family, not for catching up on work tasks. By prioritizing rest and personal interests, I can show up as my best self, not in spite of challenges, but because of them.

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Complementary past episode to listen to: https://www.aboutprogress.com/blog/4-habits-that-are-helping-me-show-up; https://www.aboutprogress.com/blog/habits-that-are-helping-me-show-up-right-now; https://www.aboutprogress.com/blog/take-back-your-weekends; https://www.aboutprogress.com/blog/an-alternative-to-block-scheduling

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TRANSCRIPT 

Monica Packer: Life is hard and I need help. Having some small and consistent habits that support me to feel like myself is a small way. I know I can help myself. It's a small way to help me despair a little less, a small way to insert some choice and some control in a chaotic world in a small way to help me feel like I'm doing something and that something might just be everything.

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Monica Packer: Hi, I'm Monica Packer and you're listening to About Progress where we are about progress made practical.

I am just gonna cut right to it. The world feels on fire right now. Thanks to current events coupled with approaching a personally extra busy season, I have to admit that I have been struggling to keep up with day-to-day tasks from work to home, everything feels either trivial at best or meaningless at worse.

I know my predicament is shared by so many of you. Whether you are moving through a survival season, thanks to perhaps some unforeseen circumstances or you're facing major decisions, life shifts or struggles within your family and or finances, or you're simply a human living on this earth and life is allowed to be hard for no big reason at all.

It is in these kinds of times that habits rightfully feel like the bottom of any priority list, and I get that. I feel it too. But I have to remind myself that our habits matter, not despite these hard times, but especially within these hard times, because when life gets tough, we need people who are able to show up and show up as themselves.

At their core habits are about how we care for and support ourselves. Habits aren't about metrics. Shoulds balls and chains habits are helpers with that foundation in mind. After the break, I'm going to speak more on how we can anchor into habits during hard times, as well as share the three habits that are helping me right now.

Monica Packer: This month I'm running here to stay the 250 supporters drive. This is a community effort to help about progress, not just reach its 10 year anniversary this fall, but to truly be here, to stay, to keep this podcast running at a bare bones sustainable level, covering things like hosting, editing, and production, not including paying me.

We need to reach 250 supporters. That's the number that allows the show to remain free for everyone without putting episodes behind a paywall or dramatically increasing our ads. Joining starts at just $2 a month, and it really does make a big difference. Supporters get access to things like quarterly ask me Anything, nights, a private reading diary and our yearly garden party, plus more at higher levels. For my private premium ad free side podcast, more personal and twice yearly exclusive online gatherings, including a private workshop and a book club

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this is a meaningful way to help keep it going, and if supporting financially isn't possible right now, listening, sharing, and leaving a review truly helps. More than you know, you can sign up for the Supporters Club at about progress.com/support, and thank you for helping make about progress here to stay.

Monica Packer: if we believe that habits are helpers, then that will change some things, especially when we face hard times. Habits are helpers, then that means they are allowed to be personal, they're allowed to be seasonal, and they're allowed to be flexible.

I'm gonna break those three things down. Habits are personal. That means habits are for me that. They're there to make my life easier, better, stronger, more supported. When I anchor into that, then I can release myself from prescriptions, expectations and pressures to live a certain way, to have certain habits and to have them in certain ways.

I get to decide and I get to consider what my wants and my needs are. I get to pay attention to my own preferences and design touchstones to my day. That's another word for habits that help me where and how. I need it the most. It's personal. Next habits are seasonal. When I anchor into that, I can know that my habits are allowed to change to match my season.

And I'm saying that big picture, meaning some habits can stay, some habits can go. And I also mean that small picture, the way you do habits can be changed to match your season. When I know that habits are seasonal, I can acknowledge that my circumstances do matter, my bandwidth matters, and how I did something before, or how so and so did something or thinks I should do something doesn't mean I have to do it that way.

Now I'm allowed to choose to support my season because habits are seasonal. Next is habits are flexible.

As I said, with seasonal habits are allowed to come and go, but also in the moment, even a habit that you know you want and the ideal version of that habit you need right now doesn't have to look the exact same way every single day. It's allowed to change even day to day. When I know that habits are flexible, I also know I'm allowed to do things imperfectly or not even close to, ideally, and still get the help and the support that I need from those habits.

This is where baselines come in. So many of us start with ideal versions of the habits that we want, or that is the only standard that we have for whether or not we can check off a habit as completed. What we do need are baselines. Baselines are the smallest and simplest versions of our habits, the kinds that can support us on our worst of days.

Baselines, surprisingly, give us so much more help than you may think. And again, if that's the point of habits, then we are allowed to be flexible.

To recap if habits are helpers, they are also personal, seasonal, and flexible. I coached two women who lived this out and they had very different seasons, but they were still difficult. Nonetheless, I think of a woman who was facing very significant issues in her marriage at work and with her health,

and then to top it off, a parent died and she was the primary child in charge of managing everything that came after that. During this extremely hard time. Our goal was

to pair back as much as possible within all of her responsibilities, to simplify her life in every way. But one of the things we did our best to anchor into was having a few grounding, supportive habits that could help her feel like herself. One of the ones I'll never forget was once she put her kids to bed at night, she went on her porch and just took a deep breath.

If she had more time, she could take a few more deep breaths and spend a few more minutes out there. She needed some time to herself to collect her thoughts, to recenter her energy to feel like herself again so that she could face the next day. Then I think of another woman who was leaving a particularly hard season as the caretaker for some elderly members in her family.

In that true survival period, almost everything about herself went to the wayside. Now that she had more time, she found herself feeling really lost and stuck. She knew she was ready for more, but she wasn't sure how. Because she was so out of practice, and even though the hardest times were behind her, it still felt incredibly hard right now.

There's a stress expert that we've had on the podcast named Dr. Aditi Nerurkar, and she talks about post-traumatic stress and how in her patients with cancer, it's often the stress that comes after the traumatic and stressful events that are the highest. I saw this in this client and we had to work gradually, gently, but persistently to help her gain some habits that were about helping her feel like herself.

That began with movement. She had a baseline of moving 10 minutes a day. Once she stuck with that, we also were able to gradually add in more time to work more towards an ideal of what she wanted her movement to look like. Along for the Ride came some boundaries around phone use. And setting aside time to be creative every single day.

One of the biggest ways she felt like herself, with all that support in mind, this woman was able to heal from the major years of stress and work to reclaim her life again. Both of these women were doing things right, they had to do their habits differently from each other and from their past selves.

But they were both able to design habits that helped them come back to themselves, to feel like themselves, to show up as themselves not despite the really difficult times they were facing,

but especially because of those hard times. After the break, I'm going to share about some habits that are helping me show up as myself. Right now. This is a series that we've done. I've linked to two prior episodes where I shared about other habits that are helping, I've surprisingly heard a lot about from you, that you like this. So after the break, I'm gonna get a little bit more personal with you.

Monica Packer: If You haven't heard,

I spent all of 2025 writing a book. and I'm so proud to say that my first draft of the manuscript has officially been submitted. There is so much work to come and the book is set to release in the fall of 2026. However, we have a new title, And with that, a way for you to get first access to what that new title is, as well as the first peak at the cover and to get exclusive behind the scenes virtual online events, celebrating its launch to act as , grassroots publicity, and to potentially be an advanced reader as well.

To get access to all of that, you simply need to be part of the free book launch committee. You can sign up at about progress.com/book committee. I've been sending out newsletters with updates. And some juicy behind the scenes, such as lately. The good news I got and the bad news I got, which is now turning into not so bad news.

And actually I think it's gonna be great news in the long run, and I'd love for you to take part again to get access to the newsletter and everything else I just shared. Go to about progress.com/book committee

Monica Packer: Before I share about the habits that are helping me right now. I feel a little background is needed. You need to know what's going on in my season so that you can see how I've been working on designing habits that help rather than feeling like I have to meet certain metrics, whether they are my own metrics from the past or from the zeitgeist around me.

I'm feeling pretty spread thin at the moment. There are really good things that are coming up in my life, and I'll speak professionally first. I have a book coming out this fall. While that's so exciting and truly the dream of a lifetime coming true, this also entails a tremendous amount of work.

Right now I am entering into several rounds of very persistent and in-depth editing, and I'm gonna be doing that again. I'm already preparing for the launch of the book and getting on as many podcasts as possible. I'm trying to figure out how to get on TV shows, radio, anything like that.

In addition to that, i'm also preparing for a potential launch party and PR boxes to go with that. There's just so many moving pieces to that puzzle, and if you don't know how the publishing world works, first time authors, especially like me, are typically in charge

of almost everything, marketing and publicity. I'm also starting to prep now for the More for Moms conference that will be happening likely in August, because that's a big part of what will help the book and grow this podcast as well. In preparation for that, I'm also working on my tour to Italy with female foodie.

I have a very specific theme in mind for that. It's finding me and there are some workshops I'm gonna host there and things I need to do in advance to prepare the ladies. And then on top of that is just my typical working on the podcast, which requires a great deal of time coaching clients and ensuring I am serving my audience on Instagram as well.

Uh, it was just especially important again to help with the book. That's all professionally, personally, and I feel like this is really naval gizzy, but keep bearing with me if you can. This year it's exciting that I'm turning 40 years old. While this is a big milestone birthday that I'm doing my best to honor and reflect and to celebrate, that's one of my big goals this year.

It's also giving me a lot of midlife question marks that I'm swirling around and making some decisions about what I want to do next with my life. There's a lot of spinning plates with my kids. We're navigating several kids with special needs from autism to A DHD, to speech delays and sleep issues.

. I have kids who are struggling with loneliness, others with their tempers, others with sarcasm. Of course we've got the typical extracurriculars from plays to sports and all that on top of trying to manage the home. I feel like I'm drowning and always behind with our chores, and I like a clean house, but I don't typically have as much time as I would need to maintain it in the way that I would ideally. And all this is coupled with a lot of fear and heaviness around what's going on in the world, probably as much as I have ever felt in my entire life.

With those circumstances in mind, I know that in order to feel like myself right now, I need to rest more, which seems almost impossible, but very, very necessary. If you listened to an episode I recorded last fall about my real time processing through a funk that I was facing, I had to acknowledge that I need a lot more rest of my life and it's hard to come by because

so much of my busyness is just a matter of the phase of life I'm in, and I know that you feel that too, but I know that rest is needed. Another thing that I've come to know about myself is I need hobbies. I'm working on that kind of outside of my habits with my hobby year that I'm doing.

Uh, so stay tuned and listen to the Messy Middle 'cause I'm doing a monthly segment where I share about how that's going, where I explore a new hobby each month. That's been really fun. So beyond those two things, I also know I need really dedicated, super focused work hours and then time away from that work.

So with all that in mind, here are some habits that are currently helping me show up as myself. The first is not productivity based in the slightest. I'm trying to play the piano more each afternoon.

Outside of my work hours, there's so much to do, but it's all pretty open and sometimes I can find myself running around like a chicken with its head cut off and half finishing tasks and feeling really overwhelmed about what's on my plate while also not quite sure where I need to start. My toddler is home.

My other kids are coming home gradually from school. Many of them are able to walk home when one kid comes home from a carpool. So that means I'm kind of around. I'm just trying to be available for them. But in that weird space of time, I've learned it's really important for me to put aside the chores and just sit down and play the piano.

Playing the piano has always been really regulating for me. It helps me return to myself. It feels like a form of active rest for me, which is something I'm trying to explore more because resting is typically pretty hard for me to do Naturally, I am more of a go, go, go kind of person, but I have paid the prices for that and quite recently, so, I'm trying to explore some active rest, like where I'm moving, but I'm taking a break from responsibilities. , As well as other forms of traditional rest, like actually sitting down and reading a book. But playing the piano in the afternoon has been a really stable way for me to do that.

It helps me process my emotions and my thoughts. I'm not really getting better at the piano. I'm playing the same mistakes over and over. It's more about returning back to me. The second big habit that I'm working on in general is having really strict boundaries with my time and the tasks. This is rhythm scheduling for me.

I did an episode on this and I'll link to it in the show notes. It's instead of block scheduling, you schedule your day by rhythms, more by general times of days and general tasks you will associate with that. So once my kids are in school, for me, that's my work time.

And then once they're home, then it's different. So mornings are work, afternoons are toddler and home. As well as reading and playing the piano evenings are family and dinner and home cleanup, and then getting ready for bed super, super early, which is another habit I've shared. In another series of habits that are helping, I am proud to say I'm getting ready earlier for bed than ever and getting into bed earlier than ever.

Sleeping is like my number one need right now in life. But alongside that, I am trying my best to exercise boundaries. So I'm trying to get really clear about this time is for this kind of thing, put that thing away or put that thought aside, or put that responsibility on the back burner until tomorrow.

In addition, with that, I'm doing my best to have really strict boundaries with my phone. I admittedly was not great about this this past weekend as I doom scrolled the news and spiraled with what's going on. , But that moment really provided some contrast for me to show

how important it really is for me to have those boundaries, to put my phone away early at night, to not be on my phone, around my kids as much as possible, and to stay off of it all night and typically on the weekends as much as possible as well. Again, I'm not perfect about this. I did just buy that brick thing.

I don't know how you describe that device or uh, a software. I'm not sure, but, um, I'm thinking it will help with that as well. And just a quick note, all of these are works in progress. I'm not perfect at any of these yet. This isn't about, Hey, I'm doing this right and you're doing it wrong.

These are more , habits I'm working on. And finally, the third big habit I'm working on is related to boundaries with time. But this one feels specific and important in and of itself, and it's taking the weekends off from work. That may seem like a duh, but when you are. An online business owner and you have very limited work hours during the week.

You often have to play catch up on the weekend. And this is especially true for me right now as I am in the throes of editing the book. So ideally, I would like to take the whole weekend off. I have found. As urgent bound as my tasks are at work and as desperate as I am for time, I pay the cost for using my weekend to work, even if it's just like an hour or two a day.

It really makes me feel like I haven't had time for myself. So I would like to read more on the weekends, do puzzles, ski with my kids. Really have a date with Brad. That's kind of my ideal weekend. In addition to home tasks, like I'm actually not even counting my re, you know, free for my responsibilities.

I'm fine for, to do, I'm fine to catch up on some chores, but I really want to make sure I am taking my weekends back and, and, and prioritizing the things that really help me. Like I just said, read puzzles, adventures with the family, time with the family, fun with the family. I did an episode on this in the past with Janssen Bradshaw and I have linked to it in the show notes.

It's a fantastic episode if you are eager to get your weekends back. And again, I'm not perfect at this. I had to draft all these episodes last night, uh, which was a Sunday evening, but, but I'm proud of myself for taking most of the weekend off when I felt a lot of pressure of all these unchecked boxes that I needed to do for work.

So those are the three big things. I also have some ongoing supportive habits that really stabilize me. Meal planning, day planning, which I honestly don't love to do, but I do reading wherever possible and however possible. I'm trying to stretch more in general, like after my workouts. And then again, like I said, my hobby year this past month, um, that was going to ballet on Thursday nights and this month in February, you're gonna hear in the messy middle of what I'm gonna be working on for my hobby this month. Life is hard and I need help. Having some small and consistent habits that support me to feel like myself is a small way. I know I can help myself. It's a small way to help me despair a little less, a small way to insert some choice and some control in a chaotic world in a small way to help me feel like I'm doing something and that something might just be everything.

Monica Packer: I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants you need to grow. Instead of the progress pointers, what I'm gonna share is a free resource for you. If you need some ideas on habits that help, I have a resource called the Sticky Habit Rainstorm. It's a free printable available for you at about progress.com/rainstorm.

If you're already on my newsletter list, you're gonna get it in this week's newsletter if you are listening to this live. But again, if you're not, go to about progress.com/rainstorm. This principle reins down ideas for you to find supportive habits that help you and they're divided by times of day or types of activities, , that I think are gonna give you a lot of clarity and a place to start.

Again, go to about progress.com/rainstorm. ,. This podcast is listener supported members of the Supporters Club. Make my work with about progress free and available to all, and make it so I don't have to significantly uptick the number of ads .

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Thank you so much for listening. Now go and do something with what you learned today.

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