Stuck in Planning Mode? How to Move Forward Without Guarantees || Coaching Call with Madeline

If there's one thing I learned from my coaching call with Madeline, it's that taking action without having all the answers right away is a challenge that many of us face. It's so easy to get stuck in the comfort of indecision, paralyzed by the fear of making the "wrong" choice. But what if I told you that the true transformation lies within the process itself, not just the destination? This insight can make the path forward seem less daunting and more about embracing the learning journey.

Whether it's updating an old dresser or deciding the next big life move, the key is in taking that first action to start building momentum. So, if you're at a crossroads, consider what excites you, what you truly want, and begin your journey by doing something small. Remember, the magic happens not in the final outcome, but in the process of getting there.

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TRANSCRIPT

Madeline: I have this dresser that I thrifted in my garage. It's beautiful. It's really cool, it's just not very up to date.

And it sat in my garage for months I'm like, Hey, what is my problem here? I can't just get to the store and mm-hmm. Buy the supplies too. But I'm like, well, what if I ruin it?, Then it's just garbage.

that's like a waste of time.

 

Monica: Hi. This is Monica Packer and you're listening to about progress where we are about progress made practical. I know we all had this kind of experience before and we will have it again. Many times in our lives we meet this fork in the road,

and it might be seasonally. Maybe it's a new time in your life and you have decisions to make. Or maybe it's an internal season about you reckoning who you are now and getting in more touch with what you need and want. No matter what the fork in the road looks like, there's a lot of different paths that are all connected to it, and it comes with so much possibility and beauty and excitement.

But it, can also come a lot of difficulty with confusion, stress, and analysis paralysis.

and it's that kind of analysis that is so easy to get stuck in because when we don't have a certain outcome ahead of us, then it can feel both unsafe and uncomfortable to move forward.

If you are facing that proverbial fork in the road for yourself of what's next in your life and you're wanting to take action, but you don't know the end from the beginning, and therefore, which path to take today's coaching call is for you. You'll hear from a progressor named Madeline, who is facing a decision point in her own life of trying to figure out what's next.

After being a stay-at-home mom for many years, we'll work through what it looks and feels like to be in this place, how indecision and confusion can be part of the decision making process, And how to make a decision to move forward without 100% clarity.

One of my favorite parts of this conversation is a dresser. Yes. A dresser that Madeline bought and had in her garage for years How it became a symbol of sorts that represented the struggle of making a life decision for herself as well.

This coaching call originally aired in 2022 and I'm so happy to bring it back today. that call is coming up after a quick break for our sponsors.

 

Monica: Do you want your life to look and feel like yours? Maybe you know you do, but you don't really know how the do something list is your answer. The DSL helps you uncover and discover what makes you, you and all outside goals and resolutions. My first list now, 10 years ago changed my life and the DSL has gone on to change hundreds of women's lives.

It is never too late into a year to make your own. To learn how. Get my free DSL training. It includes the DSL guide, A workshop with video and audio options and examples of real DSLs from women in our community. Again, that is all free for you, so get your training today and head to about progress.com/dsl.

Again, get your free DSL training by going to about progress.com/dsl.

 

 

Monica: Madeline, thanks for doing this coaching call with me.

Madeline: Good to be here.

Monica,

Monica: we would love an introduction. Tell us about you.

Madeline: Okay, so I am. In my thirties and I have two kids. I have a 7-year-old and an almost 5-year-old, and we live in Utah and I love to read a little too much. I always tell people like. No, it's kind of a problem. Like I'm the type of person who might need to fast from reading to like get stuff done, but yeah.

Monica: Well, you know, I love that about you and it's been fun for me to track the books that you're reading and kind of similar series that we have read around the same time too. Yes. We have a lot to talk about off the air, about like a couple fantasy series. I know that we've both, both read. So, uh, but today we're gonna be talking about not the fantasy reads.

Okay. We're, we're, we're gonna be coaching you through an issue that you're having. So how about you tell us why you're here?

Madeline: Okay. So I feel like I'm a really good ideas person. Like I have tons of ideas for myself or for other people. I'm just always full of awesome things that could be done. And then when it comes to actually doing it, I'm just like, Hmm, I don't, I don't know about that.

I, and then I just pick up a book.

Monica: So this, tell me some of the things that you have ideas about, like what kind of things come up? Like, I wanna do this, I wanna try that.

Madeline: Yeah. So the biggest thing for me is that it's like a huge range of things. I'm like, okay, maybe I should go back to school and like get another degree in something completely different.

Or maybe I should go and. Like, I've always been obsessed with the seven habits of highly affected people.

Monica: Mm-hmm.

Madeline: And so I'm like, oh, maybe I should go to their school and get certified as like a seven habits person. Maybe I should really, you know, just do photography or maybe I should go back to teaching.

Or like it just goes on and on and it's like all over. Or like, maybe I'll go into politics, like maybe I'll start doing things in my community, like just. There's no rhyme or reason to it. It's just all these different places that I could go, I guess.

Monica: So with this, is this, is this part of who you are?

Have you always been this way since you were a kid? Or is this more recent years? Is it more circumstance based, like a life change or a season of life change that you're now you're trying to figure out what's next?

Madeline: I think it's probably more season of life because yeah, growing up I was always very content to just stay in the comfort zone always.

And in the past, five to 10 years I've been branching out more and . Trying to be braver and

Ad: Yeah.

Madeline: And get outta my comfort zone. And I've just tried to be a lot more open-minded about things and like learn about new things. And so I feel like since I've kind of opened myself up to the world now, I'm like, oh, there's so many possibilities.

Monica: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. So you're kind of in this metamorphosis, like an inner metamorphosis like. That butterfly, you know, that's coming out of the cocoon.

Madeline: Yeah, I guess so.

Monica: And as part of that, like yeah, it's really exciting. Yeah, there's a lot of different places you can go, but it's also new and

Madeline: Yeah,

Monica: it's scary.

And, and you're not typically this, like you said, this is more recent years.

Madeline: Mm-hmm.

Monica: So this isn't something like you're used to exploring, like actually doing different things to explore the ideas you have.

Madeline: Like, I have no idea how people just go out and get started on a new thing. I was just like, how? I'm so impressed that you did that.

Monica: Well, selection. Let me like ask you then, if you were to phrase this problem as a question, and this is hard to do, I understand. How would you phrase this as a question?

Madeline: That is hard, so I think. For me, I'm such a big picture, like I'm more more of a big picture person.

Like I love to know where things are gonna go. And so with all these possibilities, I have no idea what would happen if I started anything. And so I guess the question is , how do I get myself moving even if I don't know what is gonna happen in the end?

Monica: Yeah. So, you know, I'm hearing you say like something to the effect of, how do I take action without knowing the end?

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: From the beginning or where it's headed

Madeline: Right.

Monica: In the past, I know I'm talking about something probably totally different than you thought you would talk about right away, but, we'll, we'll get to it, I promise. How, how have you always been with decision making? With big life decisions, what's your style when you approach those things?

Madeline: So, I really don't like it.

Monica: Mm-hmm.

Madeline: But I am the type of person who will like, it will stress me out to make like a big decision. I'll like. Rum over it for a really long time. But then once I make the decision, I'm like, good, we're good to go. Mm-hmm. I'm doing this like committed and then everything feels good, but it does take me a little bit of time to allow myself to get there, I guess.

Monica: Okay. And let's think about one of these big life decisions, um, just as an example. Okay. So. I mean, tell me when it, was it getting married? Was it having a kid? Was it going to a certain grad school? 'cause I know you guys did that. Was it moving? Yeah. Like choose, choose one of those for, for us.

Madeline: Okay.

Yeah. Grad school was a big one because, like I said, my whole life, I just really liked staying in the comfort zone.

Monica: Mm-hmm.

Madeline: And so I was the type of person who was like, I'm never gonna move like 15 miles away from my parents. Like, we're.

So when grad school came up as the opportunity, I was excited, but also just like, this is not what I pictured for my life at all. Mm-hmm. I did not wanna move away and he got accepted to Purdue, which is in Indiana, and I had to like look that up on the map to see where Indiana was.

Monica: Yeah.

Madeline: And I was like, I was upset about it,

, there were lots of tears shed over moving so far across the country. But at the same time I was like, no, I think this is the right decision. So like, even though I was sad about it, I was like, alright, we're going, like, we're moving. And then of course I ended up being like the best experience ever.

But, um, so, but you know, there were lots of long conversations about like, are we sure this is

Monica: mm-hmm.

Madeline: Where we wanna go and. You know, put the stars align and, and there's no denying that that was where we're supposed to be. So,

Monica: yeah. And is that more in hindsight now?

Madeline: Um, at the time I felt confident in the decision.

Like even though I don't wanna go, I know we're supposed to go kind of a thing.

Monica: Okay.

Madeline: So,

Monica: so using that decision as a, as an example here, . Did you feel the time that you knew more about like what the end would be as you went into that decision?

Madeline: Yeah. Which is funny because it didn't end that way at all.

Right,

Monica: Kate? Interesting. Tell me, tell me more about

Madeline: that. Okay, so we're like, okay, you're gonna go to grad school. He got accepted to a direct PhD program, which meant he skipped the Master's and um. He thought he was gonna be a professor. So we're like, okay, we'll go to get your PhD. You'll graduate, you'll get hired to be a professor at some big school and that'll be life.

And so, you know, we went off on that journey and then come to find out, halfway through, he hated academia and would not wanna be a professor and actually wanted to go in a whole different direction. And so there's, you know, just this rollercoaster of. , Not knowing what we were gonna do, uh, like he still got the PhD and stuff, but it just looks completely different now than we thought it would.

Mm-hmm. And so in the middle of that, it was. Stressful, but I was just like, well, here we are. We have to just make it through. So,

Monica: so we're seeing from, you know, this decision, like you said, you know, that was the right decision for us. So even with the quote unquote right decisions, 'cause we can even talk about how that can be, that's a whole other topic,

Madeline: right?

Monica: Right. Decisions. Right. But even with this quote unquote right decision. The ending did not match your vision at the beginning.

Madeline: Yeah,

Monica: right. There was still stress involved. Okay.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: Life changes. Things you cannot predict.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: So, so why do you think I'm bringing that up?

Madeline: Because that's just gonna be true about everything

Monica: It is.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: Which actually might contribute to your, where you are right now, feeling, feeling stuck in lots of that, that idea space. Yeah. And you know, like where, where do I go next?

If you were to really sit in that space that you are right in right now of like considering all these different options, what are some emotions you feel.

Madeline: Um, I feel excited about. Mm-hmm. Different possibilities and , I don't know. Yeah. Excited is probably a good word for it. Just sitting and thinking about it, you know? Mm-hmm. That I can see a lot of potential.

Monica: Okay. That's funny. I just wrote down that word as you were saying it. You're excited about the different potential.

Okay. Anything else?

Madeline: Yeah. Um,

and then just I guess probably . Um, I'm trying to think of like the right word. I'm like, I can picture the feeling, but what's the word I need to pull out my Brene Brown book about all the different emotion I should

Monica: have on the shelf. Yes,

Madeline: I know. Um, just kind of also at the same time, just like, well, pro.

Probably most of those won't happen.

Monica: Hmm. Okay. So a little hopeless. Is that too strong of a word?

Madeline: Yeah, maybe a little too strong. Dread,

Monica: fear?

Madeline: No, just like

Monica: hesitation. I'm just gonna try to

Madeline: pause more like complacency.

Monica: Hmm.

Madeline: Just like. That would be a lot, a lot of those would just take a lot to get there, right?

Yeah. Like a lot of money, a lot of time, A lot of like, and so it's like, how much do I want? It

Monica: sure.

Madeline: Would it, you know?

Monica: Mm-hmm.

Madeline: Obviously, I would do all of it if it took no effort and would. Result in instant success.

Monica: Yeah. Yes. That's a big thing that you just said there. I think that's a lot more at play than maybe it, it seems, at first glance for you too.

What do you think if, if it were a success, then

would

Madeline: there be And I would do it.

Monica: Mm-hmm.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: Okay.

Madeline: But I'm also not like. I don't know. I feel like I'm just kind of lazy too, because I'm like, I'm not necessarily afraid, like the example, so I have this dresser that I thrifted in my garage. It's beautiful. It's really cool, and I, it's just not very up to date.

So I was like, oh, I could get the stressor. And I could update it and it would be so cute. And it sat in my garage for months and I'm like, Hey, what is my problem here? I can't just get to the store and mm-hmm. Buy the supplies too. But I'm like, well, what if I ruin it? Like, what if I destroy the dresser, then it's just garbage.

I'm not afraid. I just more would be like, uh, that's like a waste of time.

Monica: Totally.

Madeline: Like it's a waste of time if I ruin it.

Monica: Mm-hmm. If you ruin it.

Madeline: Okay. Mm-hmm.

Monica: And I, and I'm not like saying these things because I'm like, see, it's only your fear of failure that's getting in your way.

Right. Don't think that's the only thing. I think it's a lot of different parts and most, mostly it's just the way. Our, we're gonna talk about comfort zone a little bit. Okay. But it's mostly just, uh, it, it's hard to get the energy to, to start things, especially if you don't know the end from the beginning.

And you, you would like to, to know the path and all that. So you're kind of, you're in a next, what's next phase of your life, it seems like.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: Okay. When you're at a, what's next phase? To have those conflicting emotions of both excitement and dreaming about the, the potential and letting those ideas just swirl around you and kind of like, you know, almost, um, almost like a manic way.

I don't mean that in any other derogatory way, but just like that way of like, you know, we're being wrapped up in it. Okay.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: That can be fun and exciting and energizing. Right. But then when it's time, you know, for the rubber to meet the road, that's when it requires a different type of energy. Also involves you having to make decisions, how you're gonna spend your time, how you're gonna spend your money.

So like, we do need to consider those things too. Like those can be a part of the equation. But I see you almost in like stuck in this complacency that you described there as a way of, , feeling safe.

Madeline: Yeah, totally.

Monica: And we've kind of thought about safe from safe, from what. Say from disappointment in yourself

Madeline: Time, probably like wasted time.

Any negative emotion whatsoever.

Monica: Yeah. Okay. And this is because you actually are very, very smart because no matter what you do, whether it's go back to school, um, or get into politics or do photography or work on that dresser,

Madeline: yeah.

Monica: All of it is going to a require energy from you. And B require discomfort.

And from what you've described, you've had an a lovely life, but a tendency in the past to stay more in the comfort zone, right?

Madeline: Oh yeah, for sure.

Monica: Next up, Madeline will learn how to actually take action. But first a quick word from our sponsors.

 

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Monica: So I'm proud of you for one . You know, being open to, to learning new things. Like I I'm sure that grad school life changed your life in many ways.

Madeline: Oh, yeah.

Monica: And I felt similarly when, when we, when, when I moved away and, and had like a, a whole other experience I didn't expect to have too.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: And you're, you are wanting more of that, but it's scary without clear guidelines of what's next.

Madeline: Yeah. Yeah, if I could have someone just like telling me what to do all the time, yes. I would actually be very happy.

Monica: I'm one of those people too. Like I just, yeah, tell me what to do and I'll do it and I'll

Madeline: Yeah,

Monica: yeah. I'll

Madeline: do it. Well, yeah, but

Monica: yes, exactly.

Madeline: Just let me know.

Monica: I know. Just tell me, tell me the how and I'll, and I'll do it.

Yeah. So. This is one of those things like bigger life lessons, mindset changes that I think come with time, and they come also with a willingness to have the courage to move out of the comfort zone. And move into a place of discomfort. And I actually released a, a quick growth spurt on this recently. I talk about it with my coaching clients a lot, so I'll just refresh a little bit if, if you haven't heard this, usually I have an elastic band on my wrist, but it's in my hair.

So, you know, the comfort zone is like when that elastic is just slack, it's just like that perfect circle and it feels perfect 'cause it's so neat and tidy and it's, it's known and, and, and, and it works well. It like works well enough, like it's comfortable. Okay, but when you take this elastic band and you're stretching it, it, it can go too much too fast to a point where it snaps okay.

And it's useless. Um, or it can happen gradually. And as it's getting stretched, it is no longer the shape it was before. So there's still a lot of unknown with it. Um, a lot of. Shape shifting required, but it becomes actually more and more comfortable too. Like, it, it doesn't actually hurt, you know, the, the elastic and I guess if you're gonna go with the hair thing, it doesn't actually hurt the hair.

So we want you to be in this place enough where you are. Learning how to be uncomfortable and, and that's the discomfort zone. Like you're learning to be uncomfortable in ways that are not self betrayal, not you making poor decisions, not you like disregarding like the facts of like how. I'll just go to grad school 'cause it'll be fun.

Yeah. And you're like, wait, like, uh, I can't start that tomorrow without knowing the effects of the, the, the finances and the time commitment and Yeah. Where I am going with it. You do need to know those things at least to make a big decision. Mm-hmm. But why I'm bringing this back to the discomfort zone is I actually think we can just start with this dresser.

I was gonna say with this dang dresser, but

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: Yeah. Like that would honestly be. A wonderful way for you to learn how to one, be uncomfortable. And the, and two, we can talk about this too, is get in, get in the state of action. Yeah. Instead of inaction the safety of being complacent, , learning how to, to go to move forward in making those steps.

So what if this is resonating with you and what can I help you understand better? And don't worry, we're still gonna help you actually make sense of this too.

Madeline: Um, yeah, no, I think, uh, it's all resonating. It's all really good. I think the dresser is the perfect place to start mostly 'cause I need it outta my garage.

Monica: Sure.

Madeline: It's also a small, a smaller scale thing, so I like that. And then, yeah, like I want to be able to get into this discomfort zone, . That is a desire that I have. I just don't know how to get there. So I need like, like a, you know, phrase or something that, some sort of, yeah,

Monica: I actually have one for you.

Madeline: Perfect.

Monica: Okay. This is, this is kind of a mantra I guess you could use, and this helps with momentum a lot when we're feeling. Either, either a big decision or just our to-do list, you know, that is, yeah. Ever ongoing and always taxing. Yeah. And yeah. Uh, overwhelming. Overwhelming too, right? This is the phrase, it's do something to start.

Madeline: Okay.

Monica: Okay. This is where we, you know, sometimes Yeah, of course, with bigger things, we can actually break things down into like a series of phase one, phase two, and here's all the steps you take. That can happen. But even that takes a ton of energy to do. , So we want to just instead em embrace this mindset and this state of action where you are doing something to start.

And yeah, that should require a low amount of energy. And it's like the first step you can think of next. And

Madeline: okay,

Monica: again, like small and simple. And as you do that, you will create momentum. I'm sure you've heard me talk about, but that momentum, what's great about that is instead of waiting for the motivation or waiting for that feeling of like, you're like, I'm, I'm ready to do this now.

'cause you're, now you're in a place of action, right? And you're meeting that resistance and a resistance against that comfort zone. Uh, doing something to start is just like that little bit of a stretch of the elastic and also creates momentum, which creates more energy. Uh, what would that be? For the dresser.

Let's go with the dresser for a moment.

Madeline: , Okay. I think one of the biggest things that's stressing me out about the dresser is, if I need to paint it or stain it.

Monica: Yeah.

Madeline: And so like color.

Monica: So what would help you even know if you paint or stain?

Madeline: I don't know. I guess I could look, try to look for pictures of like similar dressers or.

Monica: So this comes more down to like your personal preference?

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: Okay.

Madeline: I guess so. But then I'm like, so my husband wants me to sell it, which I'm fine with selling it. I wouldn't mind it being in our house, but we also don't have a great spot for it. But so, so I start getting like, oh, well, like if I painted this color, what if that makes it harder to sell?

Or like, you know what I mean? Mm. So I just start like thinking. Because I wanna know how it's gonna, I'm like, um, I wanna be able to sell it for

Monica: sure.

Madeline: Double what I bought it for, and so I need to Yeah.

Monica: And that's where, you know, the, the fear of the end product is getting in the way of you taking action now.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: Right.

Madeline: Exactly.

Monica: So what if we were to remove that? Like, I have to sell it Pressure.

Madeline: Yeah. Like if I was just doing it for myself.

Monica: Uhhuh. Yeah. What would change about this for you?

Madeline: I think I would. Um, I don't know. I'm like, I think I would paint it, but actually if I was keeping it in my house, would I want it to be painted?

I don't see, this is my whole, I like go back and forth so many times. Um, no. I feel like I probably would paint it, but yeah, I don't know what color. Okay,

Monica: so now it's like getting a vision, right? Like what color? Yeah. Okay. What's a great place to explore color? I don't have a right answer in my head, by the way.

I

Madeline: know. I don't know. Home Depot.

Monica: Sure. Okay. What if that were, do something to start, what if you go to Home Depot and you say, for 10 minutes, I'm just gonna look at the, the color swatches that are all up on the wall.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: That's it. I'm just gonna look and see what I gravitate to.

Madeline: Right.

Monica: You don't have to pick, you don't have to.

Madeline: No,

Monica: you don't have to even know how to paint yet. Yeah, you're just collecting ideas.

Madeline: Yeah, that would be good.

Monica: Okay. Does that seem like enough to stretch you without snapping you or is that time commitment pretty intense right now? Because you never know, like sometimes that that could be like asking you to go and hike Mount Everest right now with you have

Madeline: I know,

Monica: tough time

Madeline: commitments.

No, I think right now I could probably do it. Yeah. Okay. That would be, yeah, something I could fit in. Now that the kids are in school and stuff.

Monica: Mm-hmm.

Madeline: I might have a minute to swing by Home Depot.

Monica: Sure. So this is an example of all these other big life things too. It's like in these do something to start phases.

You are, you are now outside of like the yay new ideas, lots of room. Like I'm excited and now you're in this . Pre momentum slump. Yeah. Of just feeling overwhelmed about getting information or making the right decisions or the time and the work that it will entail moving forward. Okay. And the do set thing to start mindset is not, um, again, to disregard wise decision making is to help you make those decisions because you're just in a collecting information stage.

You're just. Getting the ball rolling it, it's just looking up a program and it's, it's just like, maybe another step is putting something on a Facebook group and asking, does anyone know who's done this program before? Um,

Madeline: yeah.

Monica: You know, it's like, it's just gradually just bit by bit collecting momentum.

Madeline: Yeah. I like that. That's good.

Monica: There's one other thing though with this, I think that's actually quite deeper.

Madeline: Okay.

Monica: That you might be like, thanks Monica for telling me this, but

Madeline: Oh, great.

Monica: Actually, maybe not. Maybe this is something you're gonna be like, oh, um, I actually feel pretty good about that and I feel pretty strong with this.

Okay.

Madeline: Okay.

Monica: There's a whole other layer to the what's next? Big question. Okay. Whether that's what's next with my season of life or what's next with this dang dresser. And I like that. I just keep calling it like, that's its name now dating dresser. Yes. Okay. And it's a lack of connection or fear of wants that you have.

Madeline: Yeah, I could see that.

Monica: In what way can you see that?

Madeline: I feel like I, I don't like ever like, rocking the boat.

Monica: Mm-hmm.

Madeline: Yeah. Or like causing discomfort to like other people.

Monica: And if your wants were a part of the equation.

Madeline: Yeah, it would honestly be fine. Probably like everyone in my family is very, I mean, besides my 4-year-old who's extremely possessive of me, everyone else is fine with me, like.

Going about and doing my thing. So I think it's mostly like in my head, probably stemming from like childhood trauma or something, you know, but just like,

Monica: I'm just laughing because of how you said, just probably stemming from childhood trauma, but yes, I know what you mean.

Madeline: We all have it, so, you know. Um, but yeah,

just not wanting to like, cause it, I'm also like the oldest daughter, which is mm-hmm. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? I do. So

Monica: I was not the

Madeline: oldest,

Monica: but I know what you mean.

Madeline: Yeah. Oh, I know. You know what I mean? I've listened to you for a long time. But, um, but yeah, so I feel like there's, yeah, I'm like, well, if I am gonna do the stressor, like it better turn out great.

Or it's just, you know,

Monica: pressure

Madeline: in the way or whatever. Yeah.

Monica: Now we don't need to go to sociopathic le levels in this, like

Madeline: Okay.

Monica: You know, it's, it's not an either or thing. Like either it's all about what I want or it's about what everybody else wants. Yeah. But it seems like even this decision with this dresser is being really navigated by this compass of.

What other people will like, even if you're about selling it, or even people in your own home, like what they want you to do with it, which is totally valid. They can have their input as part of things, but if that's the only compass, then what you're actually doing is you. You've lost your inner compass.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: And if you've done that for years, if not your whole life, that's a whole other layer. I

Madeline: know. So that's why I'm like, I have to get into this discomfort and break this away.

Monica: Mm-hmm. And, and how you can do that. I'm going to give you another phrase that you can say to yourself.

Madeline: Okay.

Monica: It's really simple and it's what do I want?

Madeline: Okay.

Monica: When you ask that of yourself, you're, you're trying to cue into the inner compass that's kind of gotten muddled. Muffled, maybe.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: You know, with good intentions, you're trying to be a good person. You're trying to be considerate, you're trying to be a good fill in the blank. The compass you've been navigating with, 'cause yours is a part of that compass, it's gonna always feel a little bit like something's missing or you'll have that lack of security and confidence in yourself.

Yeah. Even if you make decisions based off of input from others and input on what's gonna happen in the long run and trying to make good decisions if the, if that part of the compass is missing, you will lack the security and confidence you, you need to keep moving forward with decisions.

Madeline: Yeah, I think that's so true.

Monica: Yeah. With that momentum.

Madeline: Mm-hmm.

Monica: What do I want? So, you know, that's funny because when I asked you about like stain or paint right away you started saying paint and then you. Stopped.

Madeline: Well, I think steam can be so pretty, but you know, I think with this dresser it would just be tricky. It has this like the, like ratan, like drawers.

Monica: Okay. Yeah.

Madeline: And so you would have to like match it really well. So anyway.

Monica: Yeah, I know from someone who just spent like three months standing my grandma's table, I like wanna tell you. Don't do that.

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: But even though I love, you know that. Yeah. Okay. So that, that's a practical side. So what do I want? I don't wanna go through a whole thing like that and, and not look good and me feel frustrated.

So I wanna paint, so what colors do I want? You know, and again, it's not an either or. When you consider what you want, you're not taking other wants or values or good decisions off the table. It just becomes part of the compass that's leading the decisions you're making.

Madeline: Yeah. I like that. I like that. I think I wanna paint it a green color.

Monica: Look at that. You already know. I know,

Madeline: I know.

Monica: Okay, now we, now we're narrowing it down, which helps with the overwhelm. Now we have like some great limitations that will help you look for just green, different green colors.

Madeline: Yeah. I'll just go to Home

Monica: Depot maybe. Yeah. Or even Pinterest. Yeah, Pinterest. And start pitting what green dressers you like, and then you'll start to get a sense of these kind of greens.

Madeline: Yeah. Okay,

Monica: so

Madeline: I'll do it.

Monica: We've, we've kind of, you know, I'm sure this is one of those calls where you're like, what did we talk about? Well, I think we talked about almost everything we can, but

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: In a way that admittedly like there's more thinking to do.

Madeline: Oh yeah, for sure. For sure. They're always this, so

Monica: what, what would, what do you take away from this conversation?

Madeline: I think, yeah, I like the phrases like, I'm going to do something to start and just, you know, take into account what do I want, you know, without being a complete crazy person, but I feel like I usually want pretty good things. Maybe

Monica: just that

Madeline: trust is important. Yeah. Just like, just trust myself and just like get started.

Monica: Beautiful. Yeah. If that's, if that's what you got away from it, that's exactly. How I'd want you to feel.

Madeline: Okay.

Monica: And from here, I like want you to actually tell me when you go somewhere like about this dresser. Okay? Let's use this dresser as just like a micro version of the bigger questions that you are asking yourself, the bigger things you're considering about what's next in my life.

And I wanna leave you with one other thought for you, okay?

Madeline: Okay.

Monica: This thought is that the transformation lies in the process, not the outcome.

Madeline: Okay.

Monica: Just like your grad school experience.

Madeline: Yeah, that's

Monica: true. It wasn't where you ended up that transformed you and your family.

Madeline: No.

Monica: It, it was the process, right?

Madeline: Yeah, totally.

Monica: And I want you to lean into that. Like even with the dresser, it's not the end result, you know, even though it's so, um, it's so wonderful when you do reach an end of something like that, right?

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: But when that's all you're focused on, that can get in the way. Of you learning, growing, changing, opening up along the way, even with the ding dresser.

Madeline: Yeah, that's so true.

Monica: And learning as you go.

Madeline: Yep.

Monica: Now you learn how to paint a dresser.

Madeline: Yeah. Here I go off to accomplish something.

Monica: Do something to start, what do I want?

Madeline: Yeah.

Monica: Okay. Madeline, that was great. I want you to keep in touch with me and let me know how, how this goes. Okay.

Madeline: I will for sure.

Monica: Thanks so much for your time.

Madeline: Thank you.

Monica: I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants that you need to grow. Here are the progress pointers from this episode, and this is where I share the notes that I took so you don't have to. And those on my Go-Getter newsletter get this in a graphic form every Wednesday. Number one, taking action without with uncertain outcomes is understandably confusing.

It can feel safer to stay stuck on the sidelines, to stay stuck in indecision. Two, to take action even with uncertainty. First, consider what deeper fears might be holding you back from moving forward. Three. Then gradually move into the discomfort zone where we learn how to be wisely uncomfortable with the mindset.

Do something to start. This will help you get the momentum to take more action and sort out what's actually next. Number four, finally consider how your lack of connection with and or fear of your own wants and desires is leading to this decision or lack of decisions. Reverse this by allowing a simple question to be part of the process.

What do I want? And five, remember, the transformation lies in the process, not the outcome. I love doing this coaching call with Madeline. Before I leave you today. If this is helping you with your own fork in the road of your what's next season and as you're struggling with indecision, I would love to hear about it. Your Do Something challenge for this week is to ask yourself about the deeper fears that are holding you back from making a decision.

Just see them for what they are. That's all you need to do. What are the deeper fears that are keeping me from moving forward? And when you do that, let me know about it. You can email me, you can DM me. I love to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening. Now go and do something with what you learned today.

Yeah. Okay. I'm just writing down for just a moment. I, I've learned, I, I can't write and talk at the same time, the hard way.