Why Perfect Habits Are a Myth: 5 Principles to Adapt Your Routines During a Seasonal Shift

I used to think that a true "habit person" had the perfect routine lined up every day without a hitch, but that's not reality. Life is unpredictable, and being flexible is crucial. From rethinking my morning routine with five kids in different schools to embracing the early wake-up calls from my toddler, alterations are unavoidable. It's a reminder that being a habit person is more about adaptability than rigid schedules.

By learning to honor the needs of each day—whether that's managing unexpected changes or giving grace to myself—I discovered that progress isn’t about having it all together. Instead, it’s about continually adjusting and finding what works in the moment, recognizing that everyone has to revamp routines as life shifts.

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TRANSCRIPT​

[00:00:00] I think we have the wrong idea in our head that a habit person has the perfect habits and routines all day, every day, all stacked together in a row. And they never have to tweak. They never have to alter, they never have to overhaul.

And that is so false.

Hi, I am Monica Packer and you're listening to about progress where we are about progress made practical. I'm coming at you near the end of the first full month back to school, and I know I totally know this, that I can't be the only one who was still adjusting. Today I wanted to do something a little different in the spirit of letting you in to the real messy middle of this thing we call life a life where plans are made and things don't go according to plan.

To do that, I'm going to first throw you a little curve ball and let you listen into a day in the life of me on a recent Wednesday. [00:01:00] This is going to be a combination of A SMR and voiceover, but if you want to see the video, you can on YouTube, which is also something I'm trying out, people like to see the day in life videos on Instagram, and I'm trying to do more fleshed out ones on YouTube now, so I will have that video linked for you in the show notes.

I am gonna share that about eight minute segment here, and then I'm gonna walk you through what my plans were before the school year began and what they became, and lessons on how you can tweak your routines as you move into a new season when that season throws you a whole bunch of curve balls.

That day in the Life is coming up after quick break for our sponsors.

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I have really exciting news on the book front. A quick catch up, if you haven't heard, I have been writing a book on gentle, flexible habit formation for women this year, and I am so lucky to have gotten a literary agent and now a book deal. Which means I can officially tell you the book is called Happy Habits and it will be released hopefully in the fall of 2026.

And this is where I need you. Leading up to the launch of this book, I need a committee of gal pals just like you to be my early test readers, to pre-order the book and to act as grassroots publicists moment each of these steps are made ready and to potentially act as [00:04:00] an advanced reader.

Would you like to be on that book launch committee? And get the latest updates behind the scenes and first dibs on all book news. While you're at it, go to about progress.com/book committee, and when you sign up, you'll get a newsletter automatically with all the past updates I've given, including behind the scenes and sneak peeks.

The link is in the show notes for you. Again, it's about progress.com/book committee. I can't wait to share as much as I can with you along the way, and I am so eager for you to get your hands on this book

[00:05:00] [00:06:00] [00:07:00] [00:08:00] [00:09:00] [00:10:00] [00:11:00] [00:12:00] 

I hope that day in the life was helpful to hear. Again, if you want to see the video version of it on YouTube, go to the link in the show notes. Now [00:13:00] what I wanna do is break down what I thought would happen as I moved into the school year, and what tweaks I've had to make using my larger morning routine as the main example here.

And the whole point of sharing this is to walk us through what it looks like to come into a season with a plan on how you're going to do a system, or a routine or a habit, and how that may need to change once you're actually in that new season. So before the school year began, I really thought deeply about the mourning in particular because that was what was going to need to change a great deal For my entire parenting life, I've been able to get ready a little bit later in the mid-morning time and do more house things and and kids things, and then work in the afternoons. But with my youngest starting preschool, I knew that I would need to get right to work at 8:00 AM and that would need to significantly shift the way I do mornings.

That in addition to having five kids in five schools and two of those school times starting [00:14:00] earlier

so schedule wise with my kids start times, before the school year started, we knew we would have a 14-year-old whose school starts at seven 30. And then we have a 12-year-old who junior high starts at eight. And then we have a grade schooler that starts at eight 20, another grade schooler that starts at eight 30, and then a preschooler who has to be at preschool between eight 15 and eight 30.

And one other thing to tell you before, we go into what I planned on doing and what the plans have become in those day in the life videos, I'm focusing on my life, not Brad's life. And you don't see how involved he is, which is a lot.

So like when I share what my morning plans are, know that he normally is awake around five 15, sometimes six. But he either goes to the gym or goes for a run, and then he has to start work shortly after six. So he is in his office by six to 6:30 AM working,

that's why when you hear my plans, I largely do the morning routine with the kids alone because Brad's already at work. So with that all being said, let's go into what I thought my morning [00:15:00] routine would look like. Initially, I decided that I would be waking up at 5:00 AM which was something I did earlier in the year, the second half of the last school year, but in the summer I started waking up more like at six, so I was gonna have to move my wake up time.

I wanted to make sure I was working out by five 15 and then at 6:00 AM I would get my oldest child up and getting her going on her chores, and then I'd run back upstairs to finish my workout and walk while I work until seven.

And then I would get the other four kids up and ready doing their morning chores while my high schooler walked to school.

And then while the kids are getting ready and eating and doing their chores, I would somehow shower and get ready and clean the kitchen. And then Brad would take the rest of the four kids to school at eight, one of whom we just drop off at the neighbor's house and he walks with another friend. And then I would run upstairs to where our offices are and start work at 8:00 AM only to work until 11:00 AM.

And stop to go get the preschooler and that would be the morning.

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Okay, so that was the [00:16:00] plan. Now let's share what happened in our circumstances that required some shifts to this plan. First, when my daughter was going to walk to school, we quickly realized that she was going to be late every day. And it's not because she wasn't leaving on time, she was, but she tends to walk a lot slower than we thought she would, and we can't get her up.

Any sooner than she's already getting up. 'cause it's a significant increase of time for her. So that meant we would need to drop her off a little after seven now instead of her walking to school. Another thing that happened is my seventh grader was originally going to do a late start every day.

He was gonna do home release for the first period so he could practice his piano and go a little bit later to school and sleep in a bit. That's what we did last year in sixth grade, and it worked really well for him. The thing though. Is that he decided he wanted to do jazz band. And doing jazz band means you have to be at the school at 7:00 AM So because of that shift, we decided to drop home release and to put a first period on a [00:17:00] schedule.

So because of that new drop off and because Brad is already working at that time, I knew it was gonna be on me to get my oldest two out the door by 6 55 to take my middle schooler to a jazz band by seven, and then to drop off my daughter at high school on the way back. So this was a shift because I can't just wake my oldest kids up at six 15 and then head on upstairs and just trust that they're gonna be all ready for the day I need to get them breakfast, which is honestly something I just totally forgot about. Like, I just forgot that they would need breakfast.

And I like to give my kids a hot breakfast for multiple reasons I've already shared about in prior episodes. That meant I would need to for sure, be down by six 15, but usually around six. So I can make them breakfast or get it assembled or put it in the oven or whatever it needs to be.

Then get them up. And because of that, that means I can no longer walk while I work. If I have any extra time after getting them breakfast and getting them on their way, I may be able to run up and finish the rest half of my strength training workout.

But I won't be able to walk while I work now until seven [00:18:00] because my other older kids need me. Another thing that happened is our toddler started to wake up a lot earlier, usually around 6:00 AM So that just kind of threw a wrench into things. I typically just bring him up with me if he wakes up before six 15 and he kind of just sits and watches garbage truck videos while I finish up my workout, and then he comes back downstairs with me by six 15 to get the oldest kids up.

And if he's still asleep, he has been waking up soon after the air up anyway, so that just means he gets to now join me in that first initial drop off, by 6 55. Another thing that happened is I thought that I'd be able to just get ready while the grade schoolers are getting ready and the toddler is hanging out.

But guess what? A toddler doesn't hang out and kids need to be managed more. And I, I can't, I can't get ready while the other kids are getting ready and I can't clean the kitchen too and have that all done. Everything just takes longer than I think it will. And that's something I've had to come to terms with like I.

Can't do all of that. Even if I say this is the plan, I can't, I physically can't. Um, and also Brad is working. He can't [00:19:00] watch the toddler, he can't get the kids ready. So that's on me and that's okay. So. That was just another shift I had to make. I can't get ready while the kids are getting ready, and that means I'm gonna be in my yucky workout clothes still at 8:00 AM and I have some choices to make on what I'm gonna do there, which is either I walk while I work until I have a call, and so then I need to go and use , my work time to get ready really quickly, or I just get ready after they're gone, and then I run up to do my interviews or coaching calls if I have earlier calls like that.

Okay. So that's what happened. That required me to shift my morning routine plan. So now I'm gonna share where I'm currently at with things. I'm still getting up at 5:00 AM but I'm usually upstairs working out by five 20. I don't love that it takes me 20 minutes to get dressed and get upstairs, but I just move a little more slowly.

So that's something I'm trying to think about. If I can make that go a little faster, I work out. For about 40 minutes, then I'm downstairs between six and six [00:20:00] 15 to get breakfast assembled, to get the oldest two up. If there's times where I've prepped, set the night before, I may put it in the oven somewhere between five and six, and then get it out around six 15.

If I haven't, then I'm just down there at six to get things ready, or I'm down at six 15 and pulling things out of the fridge, like yogurt or oat oatmeal. We're getting heat up. It just depends on the day. After I get them up, they're getting dressed, they're getting their lunches made.

They're emptying the dishwasher. They're eating breakfast. I know I'm okay to go back upstairs around 6 20, 6 30 to finish my workout, and often I have the toddler with me and then I run back downstairs at 6 45 to ensure those two older kids are ready and we're. Out the door by 6 65.

Again, usually with a toddler. Before I go out the door though, I now wake up my younger two kids and I get them going on their chores, which are the same. They have to make their beds, get dressed, empty the dishwasher, eat breakfast, and make their lunches. And part of what I'm doing now with these kids too, [00:21:00] is those two kids need to take turns practicing the piano because they're typically ready, pretty quickly.

And. Having, that's another holdup, like having four kids that need a practice. Piano after school every day is getting a little tight for everyone. So if I can have one to one and a half of the kids, or even two of them having finished our practice time before school, that really helps. So they know to do that while I go to take the older two.

And then I go and do that. And when I come back, they're mostly ready. I get the toddler eating and ready to, I clean the kitchen and manage the other boys getting ready and practicing their piano and doing their chores. So on a good day, that is all done by 8:00 AM when I load up the kids, and then Brad comes down from his office and he drives them all to school and.

I get to go upstairs to walk while I work for about 20 minutes to an hour to maybe an hour and a half if that was more of a walking day. And then I will jump back downstairs to quickly get ready and then back upstairs for calls and recordings and podcasting. All to be done by [00:22:00] 11. The mornings are the hardest part, my friends.

Woo. That's so much, and this is why I'm sharing the morning with you because that is the most important time of my family's life and my life. Now, it's also the most intense I want you to know. That. The rest of my day doesn't totally look like that. There's more flexibilities with the afternoons and afternoons and evenings tend to be different each day, depending on where my kids are and what they're doing.

There are some set routines there. Like I need to make sure my kids have unpacked their lunches and their backpacks and I've practiced their piano and are where they need to be. But, uh, that has been a little bit more lax because some of my kids are at. Play practice till five each day. Um, and other ones can, can practice their piano and then relax for a bit, or they may need to go to practices and we're shuffling around to practices and games and all that.

So I may have to have dinner ready really early. So I start making dinner at three or other days, I start making dinner at five. It is all flexible. And so that's how life is gonna look. Maybe there's one set time in your day, like my morning is for us where it has to just be really set and there's more [00:23:00] flexibility other times.

Or maybe you're in a more difficult season and your whole day needs to look like that. Right now, regardless of where you're at. I wanted to share how things have been going so that you can know you're not alone in the seasonal shifts, requiring shifts to your own routines. And next I'm going to share some principles that can guide all of us as we tweak, and at times even overhaul our routines , as we shift into new seasons.

And those seasons may be literal, like. Back to school season or maybe the holiday season or summer, or it could be figurative. Maybe it's a season of a new baby in your family or a new job or some shifts to your health that require you to also shift your routines regardless of what those look like for you.

Next up after the break, let's talk about some principles.

We mistakenly believe that a good mom equates a martyr mom. But all this does is create worn out moms who find more resentment than [00:24:00] fulfillment in motherhood. It is good to want more moms who have more in their lives, have more to give from more energy, more fun, more love, because they are more themselves.

If this is appealing to you, I want to invite you to my first inaugural More for Moms Conference. It's a free seven day conference. I'm hosting for moms who are ready for more in their lives, more in their happiness habits, help home and hobbies, and you guys are getting the first dibs. You can go to about progress.com/more for moms to check out what I have been working on for several months

including the 25 high caliber speakers that we are hosting for this seven day event.

Each world class speaker will teach deep and practical ways for mothers to access more fulfillment. Joy and progress in their lives. And this shift matters not only because it helps enrich their families, but because each woman is a person in her own right and worthy [00:25:00] of more, it's time for you to lean into more.

Go to about progress.com/more for moms. I cannot wait to have you part of the conference.

Okay? Here are some principles to help guide you tweaking your routines as you move into a new season, whether literal or figurative. The first principle is about acceptance, and it's this, accept that you are not alone. Tweaking your routines and at times, throwing them totally out the window and starting over is absolutely normal.

Everybody experiences shifts to their circumstances and everyone has to tweak or fully overhaul their routines. This is not a you thing, it's a human thing. It's not because you lack self-discipline, grit, or willpower. It's because life happens and rarely the way we think it will. I want [00:26:00] you to stop self-blaming and instead

just accept that you are not alone in this, and instead start tweaking. And that moves to principle number two. This is about expectation. Expect things to shift. So not only do you accept that you are not alone. That it's not a you problem, you just go into a new season expecting that you are going to have to allow things to shift.

I shared a story to Instagram recently about the tweaks I was making to my morning routine and how things were kind of getting shuffled around and boy, like it was a little frustrating, but that's kind of how things were. And I got a DM from a woman who said, wow, I'm allowed to tweak my routines question mark.

And she went on to explain. She didn't really realize that she was allowed to do that, and that's why she had been so frustrated with her routines and systems and habits because she just thought she had to set it and forget it. No. Things are going to shift and not just at the beginning of a season, they're gonna [00:27:00] shift day to day.

Like this week, I had two sick kids. All of a sudden. That required my mornings to shift as well. I wasn't getting good sleep. I was waking up a little bit later, two of those days, and that's gonna happen too, but. More big picture, expect that you're gonna have to tweak your routines. And I know that may seem a little bit nuts for a habit coach to say, but it's true.

The sole purpose for habits, and you've heard me say this before, but the sole purpose for habits is to support you, not the other way around. So the only way that support is going to happen is if you expect that you have to be flexible, of course, have some good intentions, come into a new season with a plan in place about the most important routine of your day, like my morning routine is for me.

Then see how things go. Expecting that there will need to be some tweaks and perhaps even a full overhaul Expect it.. The third principle is about honoring honor the facts [00:28:00] of your season. This is when you get to get real about what your circumstances are, what is happening what personalities are at play.

You also need to honor what is working about routines and what is not. Just get real with yourself again without self blame, and an example for that for me is when I thought I'd be able to get my kids ready, get the kitchen cleaned and get ready myself before 8:00 AM and I'm like, no, I can't.

I have to honor that. That is not gonna happen right now in this season. Maybe when my toddler is like an independent six or 7-year-old, I can oversee the kids getting ready, clean the kitchen, and get ready myself. But that's not the fact of my season right now. So embrace what your season is and let those facts of your circumstances inform the ways that you are going to both plan and then tweak those plans when you start to move through the season.

The fourth principle is about when you do need to make tweaks, begin with the most important routine first, when we move into a new [00:29:00] season, it's really tempting to think that we just have to have every single second of every day figured out. Instead, I would encourage you to start with the most important routine first for us as a family.

That's obviously been the morning, but that may be the night for you for my daughter. That's actually the most important routine for her. At night, she makes lunch for the next day. She sets out her clothes for the next day

and I help her either braid her hair or get it into one of those like air dry, curly hair things, because that helps her mornings go so much easier and is how we've been able to get her to school on time. Uh, so the night routine is the most important for my daughter. Maybe the afternoon is that for you, maybe you have to have an earlier dinner.

, Or maybe you know, your. Teens come alive at a certain time. And so the night routine as a family is gonna be the most important for you. So regardless of what tweaks need to happen, even if it looks like the whole day needs to be changed, start with the most important parts of your day first.

[00:30:00] And the fifth and final principle is about recognition. I want you to recognize where you can push yourself and where you can give yourself grace. I talked about how I'm giving myself grace with one circumstance that I can't get ready while my kids are in the morning. That plan is just not a feasible plan, but one way I can push myself is my getting upstairs time.

While I can own that, I move a little bit slower in the morning, even if I'm up at five, it's unrealistic for me to be upstairs and working out by 5 0 5. I can own that. I do want to do better than it taking 20 minutes and I just need to shuffle along a little bit faster. Maybe be working out by five 15 and maybe one day five 10.

Another push I'm doing for myself right now is once my kids go, I'm getting ready myself, or I'm cleaning the kitchen before I can get upstairs to either walk while I work or to be recording. Oftentimes I find I'm not on the clock until eight 30, and that means I only have two and a [00:31:00] half hours to work out of the three that I'm allotted.

That's an area that I wanna push myself. And weirdly, that pushing may be that I let some things go. Maybe I don't clean the kitchen anymore and I just have a firm cutoff time. 8:00 AM means I'm on the clock and I'm not cleaning the kitchen. Even if I love having a clean kitchen in the mornings, and that's okay.

Or maybe it means I, I know that I just have to not be ready and that's okay for the mornings too, and I can get ready later. That's just another part in my morning routine that I know I need to tweak because my work time is so precious and I really want to make sure I am using every second of that.

Maybe there's other ways you can push yourself or where you can give yourself grace. Maybe you need to push yourself to get to bed earlier, but you can give yourself grace for waking up, not as early as you would like to, because you need to prioritize sleep right now.

You get to decide what this looks like for you. But it all involves recognition of where you can push yourself and where you can still give yourself grace. So I'm gonna review those principles in just a moment with the progress pointers, but I want you to [00:32:00] think about how this can look for you.

How in allowing for acceptance, can you also push yourself to try again and to try in a new way? How can you push yourself where you need, but also allow your circumstances to make decisions for you and to give grace where grace is needed.

This is what it looks like to be a habit person. I think we have the wrong idea in our head that a habit person has the perfect habits and routines all day, every day, all stacked together in a row. And they never have to tweak. They never have to alter, they never have to overhaul.

And that is so false. Being a habit person looks like trying and tweaking and trying again, and then maybe tweaking again until you get it right, and then you have to do so again. When your circumstances change, whether it's. Back to school or a new job or a new health challenge. Being a habit person looks like being flexible, and if that's the case for you and I hope it is, then know that you are doing it right.[00:33:00]

I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants you need to grow. I'll now share the progress pointers. These are the notes I take so you don't have to, and those on my newsletter, get them in a graphic form each week. You can sign up at about progress.com/newsletter. What I share here on the podcast is a shortened version of what you get in the newsletter.

The progress points for this week are those five principles I shared. As you move into a new season and you're considering your routines. One is acceptance.

Accept that you are not alone and meaning to tweak your routines. Two expectations. Expect your routines to have to shift. Three, honoring, honor the facts of your season and your circumstances. Four, tweaking. When you tweak, start with the most important routine or routines and five recognition.

Recognize where you can push yourself and where you can give yourself grace. Your do Something challenge this week is to simply start with acceptance that you are not alone and [00:34:00] needing to tweak your routines. I know that may seem so simple, but I have seen a dramatic shift in women when they realize, oh, it's not just me.

This is every single person on the planet Earth. I'm not alone and I'm not doing it wrong. Before we go, I want to remind you to sign up for the More For Moms Conference. It's starting October 6th and it is free and available to [email protected] slash more for moms. This is where we have 25 world class speakers joining to help you find more fulfillment, joy, and progress

in your happiness habits, health, home, and hobbies, it's going to be the best thing ever and I can't wait for you to participate again. Go to about progress.com/more for moms. This podcast is listener supported. Members of the Supporters Club make my work with About Progress Free and available to all, and they get access to three levels of exclusive benefits from more time to more content with me.

We recently finished a book club for the Ride or Die members, and it was so fun to gather with them to get their [00:35:00] insights. We have such a brilliant bunch of women in the Supporters Club, and I'd love for you to take part by going to about progress.com/support.

We truly couldn't do this without you. You can always support the show for free. Right now. I highly recommend you leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts, and in doing so, you automatically get submitted to my yearly anniversary giveaway that is about to start. So again, go to Apple Podcast and leave your rating and review.

Thank you so much for listening. Now go and do something with what you learned today.

and then I'm going to walk you through what my, my,

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