You Don’t Have to Do Life Alone: Finding Courage and Community in Hard Times || with Toni Collier

Can a simple act like brushing your hair be the first domino to a new life? On this coaching call, I speak with Amy, a single mom of five navigating a complete life reset. She's recently moved into a new home and is preparing to go back to school full-time, ready to move past "survival mode" and build a life of stability.

Amy struggles with prioritizing herself, so we work to challenge the mindset that taking time for herself is selfish. We reframe her old "either/or" paradigm—caring for her family or herself—to an "and/both" mindset. The goal is to build a new life from the ground up, one simple, intentional habit at a time, starting with her morning routine.

This call is for anyone who has ever felt like they were starting from scratch, showing how even the smallest habits can create a path toward a new way of living.

Old episodes to support: https://www.aboutprogress.com/blog/how-embracing-your-brokenness-can-lead-to-greater-healing

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This episode is brought to you by goPure Beauty, get 25% off @goPure with code PROGRESS at https://www.goPurebeauty.com/PROGRESS #goPurepod

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TRANSCRIPT

[00:00:00] 

Monica Packer: Hi, this is Monica Packer and you are listening to about progress where we are about progress made practical. I am a turtle. Not literally, but figuratively. When times get tough for me, I isolate like a turtle. I withdraw back into my shell, and I take care of myself until I'm ready to open up to others.

But by then, it's almost harder to reach out because nobody knew I was struggling to begin with. In fact, this turtle version of me often wears a superhero cape as well, making me seem unreachable to people who otherwise would care. All the isolation does me no good and my relationships no good to. Have you ever felt the urge to just hide when life falls apart,

whether from betrayal, disappointment, or broken trust, you're not alone. So many of us struggle with isolation when [00:01:00] what we actually need the most is a safe, honest community. Today I'm joined by author and speaker Toni Collier, who knows firsthand what it means to rebuild a broken life. Toni came on the show a few years ago to talk about how to embrace our brokenness, and since then, her life essentially exploded in ways that would make most people retreat betrayal, a public divorce. A loss of a job, a church, a community, a home, and so much more. And yet, Toni chose to let people into her pain. Today she's here to share about how doing so ultimately helped her heal. If you've ever wondered how to trust again, how to find the right people to lean on, or how to let go of the need to be the strong one all of the time, this conversation will give you hope, courage, and practical steps forward.

Toni Collier [00:02:00] is the founder of a global women's organization called broken. Crays, still color and helps women process through brokenness and get to healing and hope. Toni is a speaker host of Still Coloring podcast and author of several books. Don't Try This Alone.

Brave Enough to Be Broken. And a children's book. Broken Crayons, still color. Toni teaches people all over the world that you can be broken and still worthy or feel unqualified and still be called to do great things.

I do want to acknowledge that Toni is very open with her spiritual beliefs and I chose to not edit that out about progress has long been a space where I've sought to open doors, not close them, so I've mostly kept things more secular with our material

and even how guests share certain things. But I found the way that Toni shares her faith is applicable to our topic, but also applicable to any spiritual or religious attachments you may carry or even not so this is all just to share. I know this is a bit outside of our norm, but now you know why [00:03:00] that interview is coming up after quick break for our sponsors.

​

Monica Packer: Toni Collier, welcome back to About Progress.

Toni Collier: I'm so excited to be back. It's good. So much has changed. Let me just say that. Okay.

Monica Packer: Well, actually that's where I was gonna start out with like, oh my goodness, we've both lived many lifetimes, but you in particular have been through quite a lot, and in our last interview we talked about your own fight against feeling broken for all the things that happened in your life. And a lot has happened since then. Since then, you've been through more brokenness. And you've done it in a way where you've so kindly shared with your community what's going on as much as you can.

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: I'm sure there was a big part of you that wanted to hide. So I wanted to start with that.

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: to just be like nothing to see here folks, or to just completely disappear?

Toni Collier: Yeah, I can remember the specific moment where I was on a Zoom [00:04:00] call in my living room. I had put together like seven or eight women that kind of was, were advising me on what to do and how to move. And just to give some context, I went through a horrific. Public divorce, um, after just enduring years and years of infidelity and betrayal and forgiving and betrayal again.

Um, I had found out in September, 2023, my ex-husband. Called me and told me he was being extorted, um, by someone he had hired. And it just, it was devastating. Um, after years of thinking like, okay, we've, we've gone past this. We've healed. We, we have a new marriage now. And I remember sitting in my living room, it was a couple of days before.

We had decided to, to post a statement online, and I remember telling, you know, these women that were kind of helping me lead through this season. I just, I, I don't wanna post anything like I just, or let me just tell people like, Hey guys, I've ended my marriage and we're moving forward and just not say any of the [00:05:00] details.

And I just remember Joe Saxton was like, you are the vulnerability girl. You have told so many people all around the world, to be honest, to be vulnerable, to be real, to be raw, to be okay with brokenness because God can still use it. And just because it's yours doesn't mean it's any different. You have to live by the thing you preached.

And December 1st, 2023, I made a statement. That changed my whole life forever, and so much was broken and so much was redeemed, and I'm glad I didn't hide, but it was very hard not to let me tell you that.

Monica Packer: Well, and I think this is honestly human experience. Not many

Toni Collier: Yeah,

Monica Packer: through something and I'm so sorry for all that you went through and since we last spoke it, it, So many levels of betrayal and hurt

Toni Collier: yeah.

Monica Packer: and um, yeah. So I'm so sorry for that. But there also is. shared humanness to that, that we

Toni Collier: Yep.

Monica Packer: it feels like to some extent, to be broken and to have some parts of that be known to others,[00:06:00]

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: to isolate, to hide, to shut down.

Toni Collier: Yep.

Monica Packer: Why do you think we do that? Because you've been writing a book on this. I'm

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: a lot more insight, not just to anecdotally, but why do you think we do that?

Toni Collier: Yeah. Well, I think at the end of the day, we've seen betrayal. We've seen what it looks like to tell a, a friend that we deeply trust our business. And then not all our businesses on the Internets or on the WhatsApp, or in a group chat or spread all over school. We have seen what it feels like to be hurt by people.

And so to get up again and trust people and believe in people again, almost feel psychotic, right? Like, it's like, no, they've betrayed us before and I look back now and I'm like, man, if I would've been hiding, I wouldn't have been able to experience the rescuing freedom of friends who love me dearly.

Monica Packer: hmm.

Toni Collier: would've been like the people that betrayed me would've won even more if I would've allowed them to keep me from trusting again.

But I think it's, you know, like of course we're scared, we've been hurt, so it's [00:07:00] hard.

Monica Packer: Well, you just talked about the rescuing freedom. That's a beautiful phrase.

Toni Collier: Oh.

Monica Packer: get that on a shirt. That is beautiful. Yeah. There, there you go. There's your next like sweatshirt or something. Um, or maybe not next, maybe your first even. But I'm, I'm curious why we think. It's going to be more harmful than hurtful then to isolate and, and maybe, I'm sure in your past you haven't always depended on people.

You've, you have gone the isolation turtle route of

Toni Collier: Oh yes.

Monica Packer: your shell. How is it more hurtful than, than helpful to do that?

Toni Collier: Well, it's a little bittersweet to say this, but I've been divorced twice. Uh, my first marriage, got married super young. Um, very abusive environment. Doors ripped off the hinges. All the things we talked about in our last interview, and I've been vo now twice, you know, and this second because of betrayal and infidelity.

And so I feel like I have a little bit of authority to talk about this because I've done it wrong. Then I've done it this time very right with people in my corner and the first time I remember not having [00:08:00] anyone, not making good decisions, using alcohol to numb, just, you know, running to all sorts of things, men, and not knowing what to do with my faith, leaving the church, everything this time.

I had a whole army because I'd been living a life on the offense and not the defense. And the truth is, it is more harmful to do life alone because we are broken and flawed and imperfect, and we don't sometimes make good decisions by ourselves. Okay?

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Toni Collier: And not because we're not good people, but because sometimes the trauma's so heavy, it enables us, or it crushes us to the point where we really don't have a choice.

But we don't have the intellect and the emotional fortitude to make really good decisions. So we get in isolation and we start failing, truly failing, and then we do it right, and we have people to say, Hey, I think you need to watch that alcohol. I, I think maybe you're using it to numb the pain instead of acknowledging the pain and then healing from it.[00:09:00]

Hey, I've, I've noticed that you've been with a guy for a little bit too long. Okay. Or a little bit too late, and maybe you need to put some guardrails around your relationships. People, I think, save us. They rescue us in ways if we really let them so that we can be better at life and have a better life.

Monica Packer: Well, if people save us, and we have to let them in. Right.

Toni Collier: Oh, they need to know what they're saving us from.

Monica Packer: Yeah. And and the path to that, as you've mentioned as the vulnerability girl, is, is vulnerability.

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: we gotta talk about it? How was that, the path to healing and finding that army for yourself?

Toni Collier: I mean, we've heard it, Sid, you can't heal what you're not willing to name. And it's just so true. When I think about, I mean, I'm a gym girly now. I'm like, I could probably lift a tiny, yeah. I'm like, I could probably lift a tiny car. Okay. You know? Okay. I'm doing pull-ups. It's crazy. I feel so strong and I'm injured.

Right. And the truth is, I put a bandaid on it. At [00:10:00] first, I was like, oh, my arm's kind of hurting. Like, oh, but it's okay. Like I'm still gonna go so hard in the gym. I'm gonna crush it. And now I had to take a week off of the gym because I wasn't willing to name that I was hurting. And so my trainer wasn't able to help me, my chiropractor wasn't able to help me.

I wasn't able to get the help I needed because I was too ashamed to tell the truth that I was weak. But how much more weak am I now that I've had to take a week off at the gym when I could have just been honest, maybe first with myself

Monica Packer: Okay.

Toni Collier: then with someone around me to hold me accountable. Like, Hey, you said you were injured.

Okay. Why are you doing that over there? So it's, it's a little guardrail to let people in to keep you from falling.

Monica Packer: So in naming

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: honest with yourself and in others, this might be a very dumb question, but it can be so awkward to do that, especially people just think you're living. best life [00:11:00] you need to let them in, which means showing them parts of yourself and your life that aren't so pretty. How do you do it? And I've been talking about sentence starters or like

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: like how do you get

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: and over the, a awkwardness of it too.

Toni Collier: Yeah, so I've been telling people this and I don't think they love to hear it, but the truth is, we don't just go tell our business to the people on Facebook guys, right? Like, this is not, you know, this, oh, let me just tell someone my business, this is, how can I cultivate a community that can hold the weight of my pain?

So really it is about us getting serious about our current relationships. So for those of us that maybe have some surface level friends, we've been doing life together. We take the kids to the park, but we don't really actually know what's going on behind the scenes. Maybe that looks like, Hey, I'm looking to really go deep with a few friends.

I'm just wondering if you guys wanna maybe start hanging out and talking about some hard things. Talking about what's really going [00:12:00] on behind the scenes and how we can hold that pain with each other. And for me. Honestly, there was this step-by-step process of one, getting honest with myself, like, oh, I'm not perfect surprise.

Then getting honest with God and feeling comfortable enough to let him in. Then if I'm honest, I went to a counselor first and I kind of like flexed that muscle of confession by having this really safe, confidential place in counseling. To start feeling a little bit more freedom in some of the painful things.

Then even my friends notice this. They're like, okay, counseling has changed you, girl. Not just like, oh, you're healing and I can see you, but like, oh, you're being more open with us as friends. Oh, you're being more honest about really hard things. We always thought, you always have it together. You got the superhero cape on, but now I'm learning things about you.

That's really hard, Toni, and it's beautiful and I feel great about that. I think it starts with us being honest in every way with ourselves, with God, with a trusted, maybe licensed professional, and then maybe bringing a few people [00:13:00] close. I think that's how it starts. I.

Monica Packer: love that you started with, it's not a Facebook post kind of community.

Toni Collier: Stop telling all your business, you're gonna get fired.

Just kidding.

Monica Packer: Yeah, we don't want that. We don't want anyone getting fired, but we, we do need community

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: for those who have been so good at the turtle route and just hiding, really scary and also nebulous to do. How do you know

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: whether it's small or big, and wherever it is, like how do you know it's a safe community

Toni Collier: Yeah, I kind of sorta hate the word or phrase safe spaces, you know? Like, oh, we've created a safe space for you. I'm like, first of all, this building is not a safe space. Okay? We don't know who built this. We don't know how old it is. We do not know if it's gonna fall apart. A hurricane could literally take us all out.

Like we don't really create safe spaces. We become safe people.

Monica Packer: Ooh.

Toni Collier: I think that's the thing that I talk about a whole bunch in the book is how to identify safe people. And I honestly think that it's gonna get a little controversial because [00:14:00] I talk about having friends that are already in counseling being a little bit more safe than people that aren't because they have more self-awareness.

I talk about friends that have a surrender or a relationship with the Lord where they're surrendered versus their own moral compass. Like, and sometimes it's a little bit safer to have people that have a relationship with the Lord and have conviction about what they do and what they say and how they treat people.

And so I think. That we have to get really good at. One being brave and bravery is not. I'm gonna tell all my business and I feel so confident doing it. Bravery is doing it. Scared. Every time I tell my business to a friend, I'm scared. I'm like, we could go and leak this. This could be out on the internet tomorrow.

Like the whole neighborhood could know what our whole mom group could know it. But the truth is real deep, authentic community is going to require bravery, not just once, but every single time. I also think to close the gap on this, we have to care less about [00:15:00] our imperfections. So if they are told, it doesn't hurt us as much at this point in my life, someone could tell all my business and I'd be like, yeah, you can Google that.

That's in a Instagram post three weeks ago. 'cause I've gotten less afraid to tell my truth. It's not as scary to trust people with it because you could tell it. And it doesn't really hurt me because I've built up the confidence to tell the truth of the brokenness of my story. And it's not changing the way that I view view myself.

No one's leaving the room. I think actually people love me more because they're like, oh. Wow. Wow. You're imperfect and you're still able to do beautiful things in the world. So I think we also need to get a little bit more confident.

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: not something people talk about very much, honestly. But it, but it makes sense because, I mean, that superhero complex I think is what so often keeps us from reaching out and. Depending on a community, because we don't want people to see us [00:16:00] as humans. Um, I mean, again, they don't have to know everything, but they do need to know that you're not a superhero anymore. And, and do you feel like you had to face. Even parts of that in yourself now, like with this last few years, surprised you in ways that maybe you thought you had done. Like maybe you're like, oh, I'm good. I'm vulnerable, I'm open, and then you're like, wait a second, it's snuck up on me. I am still

playing the part of a superhero. Yeah,

Toni Collier: Money. I am so vulnerable with my story. I mean, I can talk about the betrayal and the abuse I've been through. I can talk about my party girl days being wild and crazy and all the things I can ask for help. For any of that. Help to process it, help to, you know, view myself in a different light. But when it comes to help financially, that has been the thing that I just think the Lord was like, oh, you still have another layer in my girl.

I just, you know, I, I've worked a whole bunch, um, to build what the Lord has [00:17:00] called me to build. I have saved, I have invested. I mean, truly like over these last 10 years, I have really done my best to work hard and be successful. Over the last two years. However, when I'm hit with an unwanted and unexpected divorce, when I'm moving my children an hour away to a new city.

Buying a new car, deciding to get off the road, which is my primary income, deciding to get off of the road and not making any money for three months, and just to heal from something that I didn't even do right?

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Toni Collier: just to heal from what was done to me.

Monica Packer: mm-hmm.

Toni Collier: was put in a very difficult financial situation.

And this is the moment that I realized that I still had some growing and maturing to do. I was on a counseling session with my counselor, Rebecca, and I was freaking out because my friends wanted to put together an Amazon wishlist for our new house that we were renting and moving into. And I'm telling you, and I feel kind of [00:18:00] embarrassed saying this, but I'm just gonna say it.

I love a good, like black and white Scandinavian home. I just, it does something for me. Okay. I'm a colorful girl, but there's something about my home being like peaceful, all one color kind of thing. So very beautiful, very Scandinavian, all the things, my friends putting together a little wish list and helping me furnish my house.

I'm like, how many colors are we getting ready to have into this house? It's not gonna be beautiful anymore. And I'm sitting here processing it with my counselor and she's like,

Monica Packer: like.

Toni Collier: okay, Toni, no judgment here. I just wanna ask you a question. When you walk into your home, do you wanna feel lavished or do you wanna feel loved?

Do you wanna be able to look around your house and say, Ooh, I didn't have enough to buy my daughter a bedroom set, but my friend Jackie Hill, Perry. I didn't have enough to get side tables for my room with my bed, but Debra [00:19:00] Fileta did. I didn't have enough to get a cute little rug and a mirror that you literally see if you're watching this, but Lisa Whittle did, and my group therapy group did, and it, it still breaks me.

It's why I'm so emotional talking about it like. A lot of my worthiness, I think, was connected to my finances and the, the security that it provided me. And so to have my whole house furnished by other people was sad for me. Hard to accept and to admit. And my kids and I walk into a home and we feel so loved,

Monica Packer: you know?

just say it all though, like that is the

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: is when you can put down the armor and remove that shell. You, I'm

Toni Collier: know.

Monica Packer: what you said that rescuing freedom is

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: You get to actually be loved as you

Toni Collier: What a gift [00:20:00] and what a gift.

Monica Packer: a gift.

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: So, so going back to the community piece a little bit

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: I think this can get tricky when the community is what was part of the.

Toni Collier: Mm-hmm.

Monica Packer: hurt. You do talk about that in your book too. Church hurt. We don't specifically have to talk about church hurt,

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: when a community or a friendship or a relationship is actually the source of the pain, I'd love to hear how you have moved through that. And I'm

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: lingering in many ways, but how have you moved through that and how have you seen other people move through it in ways where they can still. Find another community with their

Toni Collier: Yeah. Okay. I love that you bring this up. I actually have never been asked this on a podcast, so I really do like it because my kids and I are still church homeless. Like we are just literally visiting churches trying to figure out where our new home is. To give some context to our listeners, uh, my ex-husband and I planted a church together.

It was originally Hillsong Atlanta. And [00:21:00] then it transitioned to a new church called Story Church. And you know, we built it together. We, I know the people, they knew my kids and all the things, you know, I preached at this church, shepherded the people, all the things. And in a day I lost it.

And I still haven't heard from anybody from the church, which is insane. And I found a gym. And I remember posting this and I tried my best not to be like too controversial, just really trying to tell the truth that I have felt more welcome in the gym than I did in my own church that I helped to build.

And I think it was the first time that I realized that for real, for real, our communities, our hands and feet, our hearts and souls are really the church. The Ecclesia, the movement of of God can't be contained to an [00:22:00] environment. It lives with us. And I look at my house now and one of the things I love so much is that we've had strangers here, we've had big dinner parties, we've invited our neighbor that we don't even know.

We've had women from my gym come to visit churches with me. I just, the truth is, I mean, we can name it, there's, that's church hurt, you know? Yeah. And. I've just seen so much good outside of the church that I'm not mad at the church for being imperfect and flawed because then I would be mad at humanity for being imperfect and flawed,

Monica Packer: And

Toni Collier: and I know that God's redeeming that.

I think that's been the thing that has actually kept me from being so angry about losing a whole entire community. I think it's knowing that people are afraid, they don't know what to say. Love the church and they love me, but they don't know who to choose or if they should choose. [00:23:00] And so I think there's grace and space for that.

And in that grace and space, God fills it up and he just has, even as we've been church hopping, we were like, hi, we're the, you know, we're still finding beautiful people that love us.

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Toni Collier: And I think sometimes we just gotta fix our eyes on the opportunity we have to move forward while holding the grief of our past.

Monica Packer: Hmm,

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: the, and

Toni Collier: I don't say, but, well, I try not to say, but anymore

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Toni Collier: ands, less buts

Monica Packer: Yeah. I love that.

Toni Collier: like that. Putting that on a shirt too. We're just

Monica Packer: That's gonna go in a shirt too.

Toni Collier: me right now.

Monica Packer: So listen, what strikes me so deeply about. You sharing about that particular hurt

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: one, is it still there?

Toni Collier: Right.

Monica Packer: kind of messy and this

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: looks like, two, it goes back to that bravery piece. The bravery to try

Um.

what would you say to the woman [00:24:00] who maybe her first go, she's friend hopping or church hopping, didn't go so great and she's like, now double.

Like I don't trust anybody do anything but. What would you say about that Messy middle of, of, of knowing? It's not gonna work every time, but there is, there are gonna be people

Toni Collier: Yeah,

Monica Packer: me.

Toni Collier: I've been saying this to myself for the past two years. My circumstances are not greater than God's design. God designed me to be connected with his people. He, I mean, Adam needed an eve. Moses needed an Aaron to hold his arms up. Ruth needed a Naomi and Naomi needed a Ruth. Okay? We need people. We were designed to do life with people, and my circumstances tell me that people can't be trusted.

That they will hurt me and they will do things [00:25:00] that cause me deep lasting pain. People will cause trauma in your life. That's all circumstantial. My design is to be loved and seen and known by people, and so I would tell that girl it has to get better. It just, I, and I feel, I feel like I sound kind of crazy, but I'm like.

It just ha from the girl, okay. Who's been betrayed over and over again. My friends quote me a tele w 'cause I'm just like, I still love people. They're like, how? And I'm like, because I just, I've just witnessed it. Get better. Again, and again and again. I've witnessed people transition out of my life and even better people transition in.

I've witnessed losing an entire community and finding a community that's even better. My design is greater than my circumstance. Our design is greater than our circumstances. Keep leaning in and it's okay [00:26:00] if it's hard. That's when you get to be brave.

Monica Packer: And so much of what you have lived out is this persistence in living. Living the life that you wanna live, but

Toni Collier: Yeah.

Monica Packer: importantly, being the person you want to be.

Toni Collier: Yes.

Monica Packer: And that's where it goes back to in our original conversation and all the work that you've done on brokenness, is that, you know, in embracing our humanness and the brokenness of this life and even other people, we can still choose to be. Ourselves. And in order to be, um, seen and loved, we have to let people see it all. But that also means in order for us to see people and love them, we have to let them in. I don't know. I think it just works so hand in hand in ways that we often miss. We just think

Toni Collier: Yes.

Monica Packer: and see and help other people, but it can't go the other way.

Toni Collier: Yeah. And the truth is I wrote this in my new book. I talked about the four S's to [00:27:00] be seen, soothed, safe and secure. And the truth is, we all come into this world looking for someone, looking for us. It is in us to need people, and we just fight it. Oh, I can do it by myself. I'm strong enough by myself.

People have hurt me. I'm never gonna trust again. I'm not gonna lean in all the things. It, it's like so easy for us to say, but. When we get into bed at night and when we're wrestling with hard things, especially when we're going through painful times, we want someone to see us.

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Toni Collier: get tired and weary and so sad about having to play, pretend it's exhausting.

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Toni Collier: get to the point where we're like, I just wish someone really new. And the truth is they wanna know. Really, we should be hoping and praying that we feel brave enough to let someone in so that they do know. And then from that place, we get to do it for other people and that's when the real fun starts.

. It's, it's always scary. It's always weird. And when you say [00:28:00] something in a safe environment and those people don't leave the room, it changes you. My goodness. It changes the fabric of who you are.

You start to realize that we are actually imperfect and we are actually wired for struggle, and we are so worthy of love and belonging, and that changes you for the better.

Monica Packer: So how would you say you are different from our last conversation?

Toni Collier: Oh, oh.

Monica Packer: was the fall of 2022. So that gives us like actual context

Toni Collier: Great.

Monica Packer: Like, okay, so, so what is different? What's different for you?

Toni Collier: Um, the other day I was rushing doing podcast interviews and all kinds of things and I have a live-in nanny and, um, it's so funny because her job is literally to help me. But I feel so bad asking her for help [00:29:00] and she's just like, I got it. Like I'll do it, don't worry about it. And the other day I was running around and I didn't eat and she probably knows it 'cause she literally sees me bopping around in and outta the house.

And I came into the house and had to grab a few things and then jet off for a podcast interview. And she had a little, ah, this makes me cry a little, um, Tupperware with a sandwich in it. And she said, I made this for you. And usually I say, oh my gosh, you didn't have to do that. We all do. Right? Okay.

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Toni Collier: my goodness.

And I just looked at her and I said, thank you. I really needed that. That's a different Toni to not feel ashamed that I have so much going on that I can't even n like care for my body, feed my body. Um. Just that gentle. Thank you. I really needed that. She texted me afterwards and she said, I'm really proud of you for accepting help.

That's how I'm [00:30:00] different. And the truth is, yes, God has done so many incredible things and miraculous things, I'm sure. And also I don't, I think sometimes, oh my gosh, I literally posted about this yesterday. I think sometimes God won't send a miracle. He'll send a person. And that is what I have seen over the last two years, and it has changed me.

It's made me more soft. It's made me able to ask for help without guilt or shame or feeling like I have to pay someone back. It's made me help my kids better. Like even when my daughter ask for 50 million things all day, I'm like, keep asking. Keep asking for help. I don't shame her anymore. Like, you can do that yourself, or, come on, you gotta be stronger than that girl.

Get up. That's not me anymore. The cape is off. I have set fire to that thing. I'm like, bye. I don't wanna be the strong friend anymore. I don't wanna be the rescuer. I'm not trying to be anyone else's savior. I just honestly wanna be, and [00:31:00] that's a different Toni, crazy

Monica Packer: be thinking about that sandwich

girl

the rest of my life.

on it.

I if.

But, you know, but I think we all know that, like that moment how it's, it's just a sandwich, but it is not, and it's what can change for us. And do feel, um, more inclined to put down that cape. Burn it up, set it on fire. I, I, I, I feel more ready to do that in my life in ways that I didn't even know the layers were still there before I talked to you, Toni, and I'm sure

Toni Collier: Yeah,

Monica Packer: are gonna be feeling the same as they've listened to this conversation before we end, where should they go if they want to learn more from you?

Toni Collier: yeah. So I've got a brand new book out. It's, I think it's the best thing I've ever created. I mean, I really do, and I did not say that about my first book. Can we be honest? I was like, yeah, go find the book. It's gonna be great. No, [00:32:00] truly like, I feel like this is the best thing I've ever written because I didn't write it alone.

Um, I, I invited people in. I invited the Lord in, I invited my counselors in, and I created it with a whole community backing me up. There's so much more power in that, and we can go into that later. But they can go to tonijcollier.com/notalone because you are not even when you're feeling lonely, and it's on all the different places that books can be found.

And, um, it's one of those books that you read with a friend, truly. You read in a group, you get a small group. It's, it's just one of those books. You don't try alone or you don't read alone. Well, yeah, Toni j Collier on all the things.

Monica Packer: Yeah. Then don't try this alone. We'll make sure that we link to all of those

Toni Collier: Yeah,

Monica Packer: I love that. The book, like behind the Scenes, it was a, it was you practicing what you're, what you're

Toni Collier: I lived it out. I lived it out. Yes.

Monica Packer: As you know, I've already pre-ordered it. I can't wait to get my hands on it and i'm so excited for women [00:33:00] like me to unpack these layers that are in them, um, and learn more about how to, to not do life alone.

Toni Collier: Yeah,

Monica Packer: Yeah. Thank

Toni Collier: it's good.

Monica Packer: I appreciate you so much.

Toni Collier: Thank you.

Monica Packer: Oh, that was amazing. You're so good. You're so good.

​

I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants you need to grow. I'll now share the progress pointers. These are the notes I take so you don't have to, and those on my newsletter, get them in a graphic form each week. You can sign up at about progress.com/newsletter, and what I share here is a shortened version of what you get in the newsletter.

Number one, name your pain to start healing. Number two. Choose people who can hold your story. Find safe people, not just any people. Number three, let bravery be doing it scared. Number four, practice receiving help. And number five, remember your [00:34:00] design is stronger than your circumstances. I love Toni so much.

I think this is a great interview to watch on my YouTube channel because the way that she animates like her face, her voice, her body, like every part of it, she's just all in. And I truly love, respect and adore Toni so very much. Make sure you go and pre-order her book like I already have.

Again, it's called Don't Try This Alone. speaking of not having to do things alone, it is time for you to sign up for the More For Moms Conference. This is a five day conference. In October, but you you can sign up now by going to about progress.com/more. For moms, we will have 25 life-changing speakers help you seek more in your life as a mom.

Again, go to about progress.com/more for mom. This podcast is listener supported. Members of the Supporters Club make my work with about progress free and available to all, and they get access to three levels of exclusive benefits from more time [00:35:00] to more content with me, As of airing the show, we will have had our garden party.

It's so fun. We meet at my house and just have a great night together. Things like that is what we do in the Supporters Club. You can check it out and sign up at about progress.com/support, but know you can always support the show for free. For this time.

I would recommend sharing this episode with a friend, find the URL and text it their way. Thank you so much for listening. Now go and do something with what you learned today.

Monica Packer: If we need to start something over. Okay. And I pronounced it this way before. Hopefully I did it right the last time. But is it Toni Collier?

Toni Collier: Co. That's right.

Monica Packer: like an

Toni Collier: country. The problem is I'm from the south, so

Monica Packer: I love, no,

Toni Collier: has,

Monica Packer: say it the way you say it.

Toni Collier: everything has a little bit of a draw to it. You know what I'm.

Monica Packer: Yeah, well I'm, I'm, we, we have our own thing too. Everyone thinks I'm from the Midwest, 'cause I'm from Utah.

But yeah, we have our own accent too. That is pretty terrible to be [00:36:00] honest. I've had to work on it. 'cause I say, we say feel as fill, and it's really confusing for people, you know, stuff like that. So we're,

Toni Collier: Okay.

Monica Packer: on it.

Toni Collier: We're doing the best.

Monica Packer: to the show and we'll dive right in.

Toni Collier: Awesome.

​