Feeling Overstimulated as a Mom? Hidden Signs to Watch For (and What to Do About It) || with Alex Viera

As a mom, my vision involved perfect moments with my kids, unaware of the strain overstimulation could bring. It's not just juggling cleaning or cooking but managing the hidden pressure of sensory overload. This isn't a flaw—it's our nervous system waving a red flag for help. What's the secret to steering through it? In this episode, I sit down with Alex Viera, a pediatric occupational therapist and nervous system coach, to explore how we can mitigate this stress. Discover how simple shifts in meeting basic needs and embracing joy can lighten the load and restore our sense of self. Tune in to hear Alex’s insights on transforming overwhelming moments into manageable ones.

Complementary episodes: ⁠⁠Interview with Alyssa Blask Campbell⁠⁠ on the nervous systems; ⁠⁠Interview with Dr. Anna Packard⁠⁠, eating disorder therapist on healing your relationship with your body; Solo episode on the ⁠⁠N’s of Numbing Out⁠⁠ 

 ⁠Preorder Sticky Habits ⁠book today!

Join the ⁠Book Launch Committee⁠ for behind-the-scenes and first peeks at all things book.

Join the ⁠Supporters Club⁠ to keep About Progress around for good.

 ⁠Get the free DSL Training⁠.

Get 50% off last year’s ⁠More for Moms All-Access Pass⁠ with code LISTENER at checkout.

About a few other things...

Sign up for the Go Getter Newsletter to get Progress Pointers in your inbox every Wednesday.

You can listen to the episode below, on Apple Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast app. If you like the show please share it, subscribe, and leave a review! 

SHOW NOTES
Alex's ⁠website and socials⁠ 
Access exclusive supporter benefits
Book Launch Committee
Leave a rating and review for the podcast!
Lend your voice and experience + be featured on the show HERE
Join Monica on Facebook and Instagram
Songs Credit: Pleasant Pictures Music Club

Get your ⁠AquaTru water purifier ⁠with the discount code “MONICA.”  Get your teen ⁠Knix⁠ with code “PROGRESS.” Go to ⁠Quince⁠ for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

 

TRANSCRIPT

Alex Viera: Let's meet our needs because it's nourishing our, our nervous system and it's, it's like a little love letter to ourselves every time we meet our needs.

 

Monica Packer: Hi, this is Monica Packer, and you're listening to About Progress, where we are about progress made practical Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. And when I imagined myself as a mother, I had these perfect visions in my mind of me baking with my kids or going on walks or hikes with them, even driving them around, definitely reading them a lot of books.

But what I didn't picture was someone who would be mostly cleaning and cooking, and then cooking and cleaning, and someone who would snap over something as dumb as spilled milk. Motherhood contains a lot of surprises, but one that I feel isn't often discussed is

Overstimulation. If you find yourself snapping at your kids or overreacting in ways that aren't typical for you, or maybe you are experiencing a constant state of overwhelm, or you're numbing out more, or you have more of a fuzzy brain, you are likely dealing with more overstimulation than you may think and in ways that may surprise you.

I know that I particularly feel overstimulated when we are dealing with seasonal transitions like we are right now in the thick of the beginning of summer. And thinking of that for you, too, I really wanted to have an interview with a woman who specializes in how to be able to notice overstimulation better and to cope with it better.

So in today's conversation, you are going to hear from pediatric occupational therapist, Alex Viera, who will help us understand what's actually happening when our nervous system becomes overloaded as parents. We talk about the surprising signs of overstimulation. There were some that really surprised me.

Why motherhood can make us more vulnerable to overstimulation, and the simple but practical ways we can care for ourselves before we reach a breaking point, and after, too. If you've been feeling overwhelmed, irritable, exhausted, or stuck in survival mode, this episode will help you better understand why and what to do next.

Alex Viera is an occupational therapist and nervous system coach. She supports women and their families along their regulation journey. Alex specializes in working with the neurodiverse population. She owns The Confident Parent, for online coaching and support, as well as Growing Together OT, a pediatric practice in Western North Carolina.

As you're listening to this, if you think of a fellow mom in your life who is struggling with being overstimulated, please copy the URL of this episode and text it to them why you are listening. That interview is coming up after a quick break for our sponsors

 

Monica Packer: I am never two feet away from my water bottle, and that's because I'm always parched. And what helps me maintain my habit of drinking water is not only does it taste good, but I know it is clean too. Did you know that three out of four US homes have toxic chemicals in their tap water?

Even though contaminated water looks clear, it could put you at risk for health concerns from fatigue, hormone disruption to cognitive decline. Surprisingly, standard fridge and pitcher filters do little to remove most contaminants, and bottled water contains microplastics.

So what's the solution? Get AquaTru like my family. It's a countertop water purifier, tested and certified to remove eighty-four contaminants, including chlorine, lead, forever chemicals, and microplastics. Its patentint four-stage reverse osmosis system goes way beyond ordinary filters. For pure, healthy water you can trust, no plumbing, no installation. We have had ours for a long while, and when we first got it, my kids were enthralled with it, mostly because of the taste.

I replaced the filters many times, and it's so easy to do. It also looks pretty good on the counter. Join ninety-eight percent of customers who say their drinking water is cleaner, safer, and healthier.

Go to aquatru.com now for twenty percent off your purifier using promo code Monica. AquaTru even comes with a thirty-day best-tasting water guarantee. That's A-Q-U-A-T-R-U y- A-Q-U-A-T-R-U.com, promo code M-O-N-I-C-A, aquatru.com.

 

Monica Packer: Last year I embarked on creating the largest project of my entire career as a podcaster, an exclusive online conference for moms who are ready for more. Thousands of moms enrolled to the More for Moms conference, and I had some of the best conversations I've ever recorded with 25 world-class speakers, helping women access more in their happiness, habits, health, home, and hobbies.

As I now prepare for round two of this conference for this coming fall, you now have the opportunity to access year one's content with the special archive pass and now at a special discount. Imagine a year's worth of About Progress interviews, but all in one place, serving one clear purpose with zero ads and a private podcast to boot.

You can watch on video or read the transcripts as well if that's what you prefer. Speaker sessions range from super deep to extremely practical, with each one being tailor-designed for any busy mom who has that inkling for more. You can now get 50% off a recently discounted price of 2025's archive by using the code listener at checkout at aboutprogress.com/moreformoms.

That new lower price breaks it all down to just ninety-four cents per speaker session.

Again, use the code LISTENER for 50% off the archive pass of 2025's content by going to aboutprogress.com/moreformoms before this content is archived this August

 

Monica Packer: Alex Viera, welcome to about Progress.

Alex Viera: Thank you for having me. So excited to be here.

Monica Packer: Today we're gonna be talking about something I think a lot of us experience, but maybe haven't put words to it. And I mean, there is one word and it's overstimulated, but when you're living it out and it happens so suddenly. And seemingly out of nowhere, it feels like something that is hard to describe or to explain or to prevent or to control.

So that's what we're gonna talk about. Let's begin with your own story on this. Has this been something that you have struggled with as a parent, as a human? And what do you want people to know about overstimulation in general? Just thanks to that story.

Alex Viera: Yeah, so I am a pediatric ot. I started working with kids with sensitive nervous systems, mostly neuro divergent kiddos. And these kids are just chronically overstimulated. You know, one in five of us have a sensitive nervous system that could be many of us listening, right?

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Alex Viera: perfectionist. And when we have a sensitive nervous system, our sensory cup is really small, right?

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: input's, cumulative. So if we have a small sensory cup. We're gonna get overstimulated pretty easily and it can feel like a full-time job to regulate our nervous system. 'cause overstimulation can just kind of feel like it's all the time. And I wanted to start off with, like you said, it can come outta nowhere or it's just chronic and it's that feeling of. I'm feeling great. What a good day this is. You know, everything's going as should. And then out of nowhere you're in a bad mood and you're so irritable and you might be like, what the heck is wrong with me? And that's 'cause your sensory cup. It was over and now it's overflowing. You know the sensory input as the day goes on, it fills and it fills and it fills, and then it's the straw that breaks the camel's back.

You're trying to cook dinner. Your kid screams one runs into you, and that's all it takes, and it is so hard to come back once that cup overflow.

Monica Packer: So this is, this is posing something really interesting to me, like as you're describing how it feels. I think that's partly why it's a mystifying thing for us, because we don't recognize. What is happening when we get overstimulated, because it's gonna be different for each person, I'm sure. But what are some of the signs of over overstimulation?

And then I wanna return back to your story, but let's start with the signs.

Alex Viera: Yeah. So the signs are irritability. Snapping feeling like you wanna escape.

Monica Packer: Okay?

Alex Viera: I just wanna like leave the room.

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Alex Viera: us with kids, right? Leave the room zone out on my phone. Like, I wanna escape, I wanna shut down. You might feel like you need to snap. That's that fight or flight response.

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: brain fog, like, oh my gosh, what am

Monica Packer: Oh.

Alex Viera: Like, I just can't even think right now.

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Alex Viera: Um, yeah, just that every little thing. just, you're like, why can't I just cope right now? Right? Like usually a spill doesn't bother me, but getting overwhelmed easily, that's just a sign that that cup is full or about to spill over.

Monica Packer: Okay. You know, I actually had a pediatric OT explain this to a kiddo that I've got who's neurodiverse and you know, the whole sensory cup and how we, like everybody has different sizes of cups and some people you can pour a lot in and it never fills up or overflows and other people you pour a little bit in and it, you know, overflows really quickly and you know, just how to work with that.

So I love that you brought in that analogy to this. I think there's something that is fascinating that happens with parenting though. You, you think you have a big cup

Alex Viera: Hmm.

Monica Packer: until you're a parent and suddenly your cup feels like a tiny teaspoon and you're like, how did that happen? How did my own bandwidth just disappear?

Alex Viera: Uhhuh.

Monica Packer: Do you know what's going on with that?

Alex Viera: Yeah.

Monica Packer: that, that kind of phenomenon.

Alex Viera: Of course. So we were, you know, talking about basic needs and just use the example of sleep. Even if you don't have young kids, and maybe you have a sense of nervous system, you might not get quality sleep all the time. Getting great sleep might just not be easy for you. So imagine we all know that feeling.

You wake up, the alarm goes off, and you're like, oh, I'm so tired. Your cup is almost full. You woke up in the middle of that stress response, and when you are dysregulated in the middle of that stress response. You are this close to that cup overflowing, so anytime our basic needs are not being met, we're more likely to care. overstimulated and it might be like 10:00 AM and you're already snapping, right? When usually you can cope and go through the day. Maybe your to-do list is just, ugh. Like I just can't right now. It's that feeling and it, you're right, it just will sneak up on you because we have those chronic stressors in the environment. environment and all those senses that's telling our nervous system, I'm not safe. I'm not safe, it's too much. I have to run, I have to get away.

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: say, you know, having, just having young children around is overstimulating. Now add. All the visual clutter, the to-do list, the mental load, oh, I have to get this done today.

And it just, it just keeps piling on. That cup just keeps filling and I think the mental load for a lot of us, just that brain constantly going is overstimulating as well. So it's a lot when you think about it.

Monica Packer: So it's not our fault necessarily. It's not down to like a character flaw or something that we chose, but it does seem like our cups shrink or maybe what's getting poured into them. Actually. That's really what happens is like the, the what's getting poured into them is just so much in addition to. There is some shrinkage in terms of our own capacity because of those basic needs not being met either day to day or in a chronic way.

Uh, overstimulation. So that's more of like a lot too much sensory input, more than we can handle.

Alex Viera: Yes. Mm-hmm.

Monica Packer: Okay. So I wanted to hear about, you know, you talked about you being a pediatric OT and, and, and working with a lot of kids who are more prone to that.

Alex Viera: Yep.

Monica Packer: Um, what about you as a parent? When did this start to translate to your own personal life?

Alex Viera: Yeah, so I was a pediatric OT before I , became a mom. And then when I became a mom, right, having a sense of nervous system and diagnosed with A-D-H-D-I really struggled with postpartum depression and

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Alex Viera: And I think those are those like underneath terms like that, that big umbrella term is sensitive nervous system

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Alex Viera: that is a DHD depression, anxiety, right?

'cause we tend to swing. Maybe I'm in fight or flight, maybe I'm functional freeze. But that baseline line of regulation is really hard to come by. So I noticed as a mom, I was either in fight or flight or functional freeze, like my body was, my nervous system was deciding how to keep me safe. It was like, we need to run away and get away from this, or we need to just shut down because we don't feel safe. So I needed to build that baseline of regulation. When you do that, so we're not broken. I remember thinking, my husband's like, why don't you wanna go out? You don't even wanna go to a friend's house. I'm like, am I becoming an introvert? I don't wanna go out. I don't wanna do anything. What's what's wrong with me? And my nervous system just didn't know how to handle all that incoming input. So I really had to focus on my basic needs and building that baseline of regulation. built my capacity, like you said, that's such an important word, capacity to handle it. And

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: I've, you know, been focusing on that and my basic needs, I can handle a lot more.

Like I have three little kids an online business, and I'm starting a pediatric practice. I'm like, am I crazy? Probably, but it's it, I have to work a little harder because I notice when my capacity goes down and I'm struggling to handle the everyday things, I'm like, okay, let me see what's going on. I'm feeling overstimulated.

Can I take a break to take fluid out of that cup? And it's really about those little habits too. Like I love that you talk about that all the time. 'cause that's what we're built on, right?

 

Monica Packer: Okay. Uh, you, you talked, I, I'm gonna come back to basic needs. 'cause I think that seems to be a big key to a lot of women. It's the one they neglect the most too, of thinking like, I'll do that when, like, I'll do that when life gets easier, when it slows down, or after this week is over and I. None of those things really happen.

So we'll, we'll come back to the basic needs part that kind of, um, I think make your cup bigger, it sounds like. But you said functional freeze.

Alex Viera: yes.

Monica Packer: What does that mean? That you can be fight or flight or functional freeze mode.

Alex Viera: Yeah, so the nervous system is pretty amazing. The nervous system's job is just to protect us, right? And it decides in the moment what's gonna happen. We're either gonna go into fight, flight, or freeze. We have no say, which I think is pretty amazing, right? Your kid might throw a Lego at you and you're gonna fight, you're gonna flight, or you're just gonna freeze and shut down. So I think a lot of us, because of those chronic stressors and chronic overstimulation, we're. but we're functional about it. I don't know if

Monica Packer: Huh?

Alex Viera: seen the term maybe functional in the depression when our nervous system's in this functional freeze response, it looks like from the outside, everything's okay.

We're still doing all the things right,

Monica Packer: Still going through the motions.

Alex Viera: but we're just disconnected. We're

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Alex Viera: from our body. I lived like that for a long time, and I just say I felt like a robot on autopilot and I didn't have n no memory or anything, but it's just my nervous system was perceiving that threat of all this incoming stimuli and just decided that's how I was gonna protect me. I feel like a lot of us can fall into this.

Monica Packer: Mm-hmm.

Alex Viera: Yeah.

Monica Packer: Uh, you're kind of highlighting another. Symptom or signal, I guess we can say. Uh, a lot of the years, the early years of being a mom, for me, I don't remember like almost any of it because it was just so difficult and overstimulating. Um, um, thanks to those really tough years with neuro diverse kids who weren't diagnosed yet and trying to figure it out and all at once.

So, um. And so I'm realizing that too is I, I, I've had my, my fifth kid a, a couple years ago, and it's been kind of, it's been challenging in, in ways that the others weren't, but it's also been more like I've, I've been more myself. Then I was able to with the others, even though it's been extremely challenging too.

So I'm just like, it's interesting for me to know like the, even the days where things feel fuzzy or foggy, that could be part of it. It's not just snapping, although that's definitely it for me too, you know? So let's talk about the basic needs. Can you tell us what they are first, and then we can get more into why they matter and what you think people may be missing the most, who are listening, especially the moms.

Alex Viera: Mm-hmm. So when I mention these basic needs, I don't want us to start to feel overwhelmed, like, ugh, more stuff I have to do.

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Alex Viera: 'cause nervous system regulations about doing less

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: if we keep the same pace. made us sick and overstimulated and stressed, we're not gonna get better.

Monica Packer: That's the functional phrase, mode

Alex Viera: Yes. So

Monica Packer: on fight or fly. I'm, I'm sure they could look a lot the same. Yeah.

Alex Viera: right.

Either or. So the basic needs, right? If you Google how to regulate my nervous system, a million things are gonna come up. But I tried to simplify it in six basic needs that are doable for us women, busy women. So the first need is quality sleep,

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: nutrition, hydration. Third is movement, fourth is rest.

And

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Alex Viera: different types of rest. Fifth is joy and interests, and sixth is connection. And I know for me, when I'm feeling overstimulated, of my basic needs are not being met. Right. And I have like my top two or three that are my non-negotiables because if I don't sleep and I don't move, I am not okay.

Monica Packer: Mm-hmm.

Alex Viera: So thinking about how we can spend two or three minutes a day just approaching maybe two of those needs, you are like, wow, what do I need right now? I just need to go for a walk, you know? That's it. It shouldn't feel like more, and it should come from this place of joy ' cause Right. It's like, oh, I have to do this.

Well, that's icky too. You know? Let's meet our needs because it's nourishing our, our nervous system and it's, it's like a little love letter to ourselves every time we meet our needs.

Monica Packer: So this is another list of check boxes that they have to make sure they're checking off every single day in order to feel like they can have that cup in a place that they need. And like what's being poured into the cup, it's more of recognizing these are the needs,

Alex Viera: Yes.

Monica Packer: but also individually, which of these.

Are more central to me being able to be myself

Alex Viera: Mm-hmm.

Monica Packer: and to, to feel regulated and showing up as myself as a mom. So you mentioned sleep and movement being your top two. Those are actually mine too, but I'm sure some people would be surprised, noting, noting like connection is actually their top one. Like they need to be connected to the outside world or to their deeper relationships even.

Alex Viera: Mm-hmm.

Monica Packer: Um, more insularly, but a joy may surprise them. Rest, nutrition, hydration. So. Of those six I, I just wanna challenge my listeners to think about, like, for me, what are my most important needs of those basic ones that I need to just ensure that I am taking care of each day like a checkbox, and that others can come and go as, or my focus on them can come and go as needed.

Is that, is that a right interpretation of what you're saying?

Alex Viera: Yes. Yeah. And I, I always encourage women to journal and just build that awareness at the end of the week, say, how did the week go? Oh, okay. It was a little stressful. All right, well, what needs did I meet and what needs, maybe I can focus on next week. Just one or two, maybe just getting to bed a little earlier, maybe. I need to do something that brings me joy, even if it's just coloring or collecting rocks with my kids. You

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Alex Viera: something that just really just to do it because, right.

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: Um, but picking your two or three that are just your non-negotiables,

Monica Packer: Okay, so with that, are there some, you know, as you've worked with women, are, is there a basic need or two that has kind of surprised you how often it comes up? Or surprised the woman in terms of it being like, oh, that's actually a need. And when I feel that, like I actually feel better.

Alex Viera: Uh, so the big one I think is rest and rest can kind of, I don't know. We can be like, okay, well I'm just gonna throw my feet up and turn the TV on and scroll a little bit. Well, sometimes if we're overstimulated, screen time or scrolling is actually overstimulating us more.

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: I know some women have been coming to me and they're like, I love podcasting.

I love scrolling. But I just don't feel that great afterwards. Well, I'm like, well, it's not true rest. It's kind of escaping.

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Alex Viera: and we have to be, you know, really mindful of that. Like, I try to fit in a podcast every second I can, like yours included. I'm like in a car, I got 10 minutes. I'm gonna fit in a podcast. I'm like, really? I think that just might be adding to my overstimulation. You

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Alex Viera: Like, I just need to spend a couple minutes doing nothing. And that's what true rest is. It's that delayed gratification of. I just don't feel this space doing something, I'm really resetting my nervous system. I'm really taking fluid outta that cup. But it can be really hard for us to rest and not really do anything for two or three minutes. It's kind of uncomfortable. We're like, I could be answering emails right now.

Monica Packer: Well, so, so you're had to ignore, think here for me. So rest doesn't have to be like laying on the couch for a couple hours. It can be a couple minutes of removing some of that sensory input.

Alex Viera: Yes,

Monica Packer: least what you can control of that.

Alex Viera: Exactly.

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: um, Dr. Sandra Dalton Smith,

Monica Packer: Yeah,

Alex Viera: you've heard of her. She wrote the

Monica Packer: she was on our podcast years ago actually. Yeah, she's amazing.

Alex Viera: I'm gonna have to listen to that one. So she coined the seven different types of rest and for example, spiritual rest, a deeper connection to yourself. Maybe it's god, maybe it's universe, spiritual rest, just going outside for a few minutes and connecting. Wow. I tell women that is more restful than two weeks vacation on the beach. Or maybe it's just sensory rest. Giving yourself a complete sensory break, a dark, quiet bathroom for a few minutes, or maybe a sensory input that you need that you're not getting. 'cause we can be understimulated, maybe. I like going for runs. Maybe I like my hot bath. are those senses that just make me feel really good? And those are the, all the different kinds of rest. So maybe I'm like. I need mental rest, I need spiritual rest. And in the moment we might not wanna do it right, because it's like, well I wanna scroll, I wanna do this. But just really be mindful of how can I take fluid outta the cup? 'cause I'm going, I'm going, I'm going. I'm doing, I'm doing, but am I really being? And I think that's

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Alex Viera: rest is. It's let me just be, I'm a human being. I have to remind myself, Alex, you're not a human doing. You're a human being and how can I just be? And that's true rest. But like I said, it can be uncomfortable at first.

 

You are not bad at habits. You've just been using methods designed for men. My first book will be published this fall. It's called Sticky Habits: A Woman's Guide to Reclaim Happiness, Ditch Perfectionism, and Create Habits That Last. It's set to release September 8th, but you can pre-order the book right now for three special pre-order bonuses, from a listening companion guide that took me hours and hours to create to a free pass to my online course, Finding Me, and our exclusive virtual launch party on September 8th with some special guests, This book is not about doing more. It's about building habits that survive real life, creating routines that flex instead of break, letting go of perfectionism that keeps you quitting, and learning how to keep promises to yourself.

and that's even on the hard days. In a world of self-help that too easily ignores the invisible labor women carry, that changes everything, because women must do habits differently. Sticky Habits will teach you how. Please pre-order the book now and check out the special pre-order bonuses again by going to stickyhabitsbook.com.

That's linked for you in the show notes. I am so thrilled for this book to be out in the world. It is seVieral years in the making, and I know it will change so much for you. Again, go to stickyhabitsbook.com to pre-order the book now

 

 

Monica Packer: Yeah, if you're not used to it, if you are in the, those, uh, survival modes, you know of dysregulation, then it's gonna be uncomfortable to shift out, which seems weird because you're like, it's not comfortable here, but. Since that's a part of your nervous system, your body that's trying to keep you safe, it's gonna be like, no, don't leave this.

This is what we know.

Alex Viera: Yes, exactly. Our nervous system does not like change, so it's gonna be like, uh, I don't like this red, red flag, danger, danger. It's like, Nope, we're gonna sit here. We're gonna get uncomfortable a little bit, but it gets easier. Right? If you can just do it for two minutes. I, I talk to women who wanna meditate, have all these beautiful practices.

I'm like, just start with two minutes.

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Alex Viera: all have that. We all do.

Monica Packer: What about joy? That's another basic need. That's not just a luxury

Alex Viera: Yes,

Monica Packer: and when you have time.

Alex Viera: yes.

Monica Packer: is that a basic need?

Alex Viera: So I believe when we're experiencing joy, we are so present and in flow. And when we are regulated, in that present moment. We're not in the past and we're not in the future, right? So when we are experiencing joy, I believe the desires we have, whether it's making wreaths, collecting rocks, playing in the creek, whatever brings you joy, I believe those desires were put on your heart for a reason.

But a lot of times we might not. Experience joy, because we're like, well, there's no end to it. There's no productivity to it. But

Monica Packer: Mm-hmm.

Alex Viera: if your desire is to color or paint or make pottery or a new recipe, you have that desire for a reason and you need to do it. And when you do it, you're just so fulfilled.

Right. I mean, there's a reason why you like that. And when we do those things, we're so present, and that's what regulation is. How can we get into the present moment and get, get outta the past, get outta the future? And joy, I think, is one of the best ways to do that. And as moms and busy women, we lose that.

Like I have to remind myself, what brings me joy,

Monica Packer: Yes.

Alex Viera: you know?

Monica Packer: Yeah. Uh, you're, you're making me think that there's some crossover with these basic needs, so like, that's kind of nice that you can meet more than one at a time.

Alex Viera: Yes.

Monica Packer: this past fall I shared. An accidental, like self-coaching call. I was supposed to record something else. I was like, I can't, I, I hit a major funk.

Like I was just so burnt out. And while I was taking care of my most important basic needs, like with sleep and movement and probably nutrition and, you know, those things, um, I was so depleted that I realized a big part of what I was missing was rest. But another one was adventure weirdly. Hobbies, and those, to me are the joy part

Alex Viera: Yes.

Monica Packer: the rest part too, because I, as I've been trying to prioritize those three things I've noticed it's really hard for me to sit.

I, that doesn't feel restful to me. I get very anxious. But if I am sketching something or if I'm out in my garden, like I'm, I'm technically leaving behind the responsibility so it feels like rest, but I'm leaning into something that makes me feel like me, that makes me feel. That joy, that fulfillment you talked about.

So it's nice to make those connections to see like that's why those, those categories mattered to me and how they were helping me see there were some basic needs that were screaming to be met,

Alex Viera: Yeah.

Monica Packer: and that's maybe what we can pay attention to is kind of getting curious. Like if you're filling in a funk and you think you're taking care of some things, look at that list.

What else is on there that is now ready to. To take the, the driver's seat, I guess, or to, to be, to be really prioritized.

 

Alex Viera: Yes, and like you said, like you can what? I wouldn't recommend people, if you've lost that sense of joy, sit down and write down 50 things that bring you joy. Even the smallest things like

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: cup of coffee. You know, for me, I love being outside and I love moving so. And I live in the mountains,

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Alex Viera: walking in the woods is my movement.

It's my joy, it's my spiritual rest. It just hits

Monica Packer: Crossover.

Alex Viera: of it for me. It's my connection to self

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Alex Viera: connection to self count. So for

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: is everything. I could do that for 10 minutes and it resets me. So that's one of my priorities. That's one of my non-negotiables. Even if my son is napping, I work from home.

I can walk around the house and just. Sit in the grass and stare at the leaves. I recommend that to women who are overstimulated by all the visual clutter. Go outside and look at leaves, the neutral cu colors just reset your nervous system. Um, so yeah, really think about it and connect with yourself. And every time we meet these needs, it just, it's nourishing and it's just, it feels so good give ourself that we deserve it.

Monica Packer: you said regulation is about doing less,

Alex Viera: Yes.

Monica Packer: doing more.

Alex Viera: Mm-hmm.

Monica Packer: I think you just exemplified that so Well, not only was it a simple thing, it wasn't you, um, saying I have to check the box on every single one of these needs in a different way.

I can hit seVieral of them at once through one. Method and a simple one at that. Um, so I wanted to end with you speaking more to that piece of this puzzle. If we're overstimulated, it's about doing less, not more,

Alex Viera: Yes.

Monica Packer: it's still about doing something different.

Alex Viera: Yes.

Monica Packer: How can they work through that? Because when you're in that autopilot mode.

How can they break out of that and do something different while also not piling on more and more and more? More.

Alex Viera: Exactly. I think it starts with grace because like you

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: are too long ago. You're in a funk when you go into survival mode. I

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Alex Viera: survival mode. On smart brain off, could have. I've been doing this for years, these beautiful practices, and I'm not gonna lie, a few weeks ago I was in survival mode.

My

Monica Packer: Hmm.

Alex Viera: was outta town for a week and a half. It's me, three kids, and they were sick. I'm telling you, I don't even remember where I was or what happened, and I forgot about my basic needs, but that's okay because life happens. happens, and I gave myself grace. But remember, when you're in survival mode, forget your smart brain's off.

And when you start to the fog lifts, you can be like, okay, thank you nervous system for protecting me. what can I do for myself now? So it starts with grace, especially if you're new at this. 'cause when we beat ourselves up, we're just dysregulating ourselves even more. it's about learning to work with our nervous system, okay.

And

Monica Packer: Mm-hmm.

Alex Viera: what it's doing and then. Just connecting with yourself. It's trial and error too.

Monica Packer: Okay.

Alex Viera: I would recommend journaling and saying, well. You know, walking outside really felt great and getting on the floor with my kids and that connection felt really great. So a lot of trial and error and write things down, try new things and keep it simple.

If you start to get overwhelmed, backtrack, you're doing too much. And Les could just look like, I call it the hard linger, just lingering between transitions. Just sit in the car for an extra minute, sit there before you start cooking dinner. Because if you go through those, I don't know, most of us have at least 30 transitions.

It just never ends. You are going, going, going. So pick a time in your day to just be and do less, even if it's just two minutes and it resets your nervous system. Um, that's how I got out of burnout 'cause I was just in chronic burnout. It literally started with two minutes a day and that's what I remind women of.

We all have two minutes.

Monica Packer: Oh, that's such a perfect note to end on. Where should they go if they wanna learn more from you?

Alex Viera: Yeah, so on Instagram and Facebook, I'm the confident parent, Alex Viera, I have a podcast as well. Um, you'll be on my podcast, which is exciting. And I also started a pediatric practice. I'm in western North Carolina, Asheville area, my practice is gonna be called Growing Together. And I'll be supporting parents as well, learning about their nervous system.

So it's a very holistic approach and I offer OT online as well. So if that's something people are interested in, um, they can definitely message me about that.

Monica Packer: Wonderful. We'll make sure to link to those things in the show notes. Alex, we always end with one final question and with this one I want a little bit more of a narrow twist on it. Like let's imagine they're in a moment of overstimulation and they're recognizing, oh, I'm just overstimulated. What is one small thing they can do to help themselves in that moment?

Alex Viera: Yes, just breathe. I know we hear it all the time, but seconds of deep breathing. With the long, slow exhale, that's all it takes to tell your nervous system that you're safe and to shift back to a regulated state 75 seconds, like maybe five or six deep breaths. And you'll feel, you'll feel the difference just starting couple minutes a day, every day. it's really beautiful practice.

Monica Packer: Yeah, there's your less than two minutes right there.

Alex Viera: Yep.

Monica Packer: Thank you so much, Alex. I enjoyed this conversation. Thank you.

Alex Viera: you for having me.

Monica Packer: All right. That's it, my friend.

Alex Viera: Yeah,

Monica Packer: a great job.

 

 

I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants you need to grow. I will now share the progress pointers. These are the notes I take so you don't have to, and those in my newsletter get them in a graphic form. You can get that by signing up at aboutprogress.com/newsletter. And what I share here is a shortened version.

The graphic is an expanded progress pointers. Number one, overstimulation isn't a character flaw, it's a nervous system response. Number two, pay attention to your personal warning signs. Number three, focus on your most important basic needs to help with overstimulation. Number four, true rest is different from escape.

And number five, regulation starts with doing less, not more. Your do something challenge this week on that note is to take a few stabilizing deep breaths. Just try that out. And I really love Alex's, push here to ensure that what you're doing to help with overstimulation is simple, easy, short, doable things in order to be able to better add these things in in sustainable ways.

And I'm appearing on her show, so make sure you check out her podcast as well. We'll have it linked in the show notes. Also in the show notes, I have linked to the episode with Dr. Sandra Dalton-Smith on the seven types of rest. It's one of our most popular episodes of all time, and I'm very pleased to tell you that she is going to be one of the 25 speakers in our upcoming More for Moms conference that's coming this September.

So watch for that too. This podcast is listener supported. Members of the Supporters Club make my work with About Progress free and available to all without having to put About Progress behind a paywall or add in a significant number of ads. In return, members of the Supporters Club get access to three levels of exclusive benefits from more time to more content with me, including more personal, my private premium Avry Podcast that I love to create with episodes released each Friday, and that's even when I take a break from new episodes on the podcast like I'm about to do in July.

So if you are missing the new content, make sure you sign up as a supporter, as the Bestie or Ride or Die level to get access to more personal, and our episodes are still gonna be up there new each Friday all through July Remember, you can always support the show for free. The best way to do that right now is organically sharing this episode with someone who you think would love its content.

So before you stop listening, Text the link to this specific episode to a friend. Thank you so much for listening. Now, go and do something with what you learned today

 

Monica Packer: Um, hold on. There was a word that was coming up, but now it's gone for just a sec. I'll cut this part out. Oh, I know, I know what it was.