You Need a Hobby || How to Reconnect With Yourself When Life Feels Like Too Much

Life can sometimes feel like a relentless to-do list, and it's easy to lose ourselves amidst the responsibilities. I've discovered firsthand the transformative power of hobbies in reclaiming my sense of self. When I hit a funk last fall, I realized I needed more than just productivity. It was during this time I understood that hobbies could help me reconnect with who I am beyond the roles I juggle daily. Hobbies provide a much-needed break from life's pressures, giving us a chance to pursue our interests without the weight of expectations. Whether it's painting sourdough loaves or taking a dance class, the focus shifts to enjoyment rather than perfection. By making time for hobbies on a regular basis, I've learned to embrace imperfection and cherish the joy of simply trying something new.

Complementary episodes: ⁠⁠I’m in a Funk⁠⁠; ⁠⁠Episode on Rest⁠⁠; ⁠⁠How Do You Quilt⁠⁠ 

 ⁠Preorder Sticky Habits ⁠book today!

Join the ⁠Book Launch Committee⁠ for behind-the-scenes and first peeks at all things book.

Join the ⁠Supporters Club⁠ to keep About Progress around for good.

About a few other things...

Sign up for the Go Getter Newsletter to get Progress Pointers in your inbox every Wednesday.

You can listen to the episode below, on Apple Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast app. If you like the show please share it, subscribe, and leave a review! 

 SHOW NOTES
Access exclusive supporter benefits
Sign up for the next Sticky Habit Intensive
Book Launch Committee
Leave a rating and review for the podcast!
Lend your voice and experience + be featured on the show HERE
Join Monica on Facebook and Instagram
Songs Credit: Pleasant Pictures Music Club

Get your AirDoctorPro air purifier with the discount code “MONICA.” Transform your space now. Go to https://www.quince.com/monica for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns; Get organized, refreshed, and back on track this new year for WAY less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home; Join Masterclass for 15% off at masterclass.com/progress

TRANSCRIPT

Monica Packer: you will be bad at your hobbies. And when you own that, I'm gonna be bad at this and it's okay that I'm bad, then the lightness can come in more easily.

Monica Packer: Hi, this is Monica Packer and you're listening to about progress where we are about progress made practical.

I have aired a bunch of vulnerable episodes over the last almost 10 years of podcasting, but perhaps the rawest of all of them was this past fall I had just returned from an amazing trip abroad to England. My pride and prejudice pilgrimage.

So great. And then right after that, I had the More For Moms conference. And after that ended, I just crashed. I crashed and burned into the biggest funks of all funks. I wasn't in the best state, let's just say, and I was set to record something and I just couldn't get my mind together. It just didn't feel relevant or something like I could even speak to anymore the planned topic I had.

So instead of sitting down to record a solo episode. On something like today, I instead did an episode where I shared in real time me coaching myself through my funk and I had the biggest vulnerability hangover sharing the episode because it just felt so naval gaily. It also felt so, I guess removed from the real issues that people face and , from the tumult of the world.

But I had so many people write me and say. That that episode made them feel so seen because they too have a good life and still are experiencing a hard period, a funk maybe. There's one part of this episode in particular that created a waterfall in a good way for me of ways that I was gonna work on this funk.

And it came because I asked myself a question, what do I  And I think I'm gonna start with one of two questions I typically ask. I'm gonna ask one of them and I'll probably ask myself the next one. And the first I'm gonna ask myself is, what do you want Monica?

The first answer I came up with like out of nowhere is already making me laugh 'cause it's, I want life to be easier. Okay. You want life to be easier. Why do you want life to be easier? I'm just gonna keep asking myself that. I want life to be easier because it just feels like too much. Why does it feel like too much?

Because some days it is. Some days, and sometimes it is too much and I'm tired, and I think I've done it this way for too long.

Okay. I think that to me feels more like a heart of an answer there. I'm tired and I've done it this way for too long. Okay? So we want life to be easier. I wanna dig into that a little bit more with myself because. I know life isn't meant to be easy, and actually I don't think I want an easy life because I know that also can weirdly be a hard and vacuous and unfulfilling life.

Monica Packer: So I guess I had asked myself, well, what? If we're not gonna ask, I want an easier life. What do you want life to feel like? Oh, I want life to feel rewarding. I want life to feel full. I want it to feel rich and beautiful and meaningful. Okay, so now I'm gonna ask myself, well, what would make And I think I'm gonna start with one of two questions I typically ask. I'm gonna ask one of them and I'll probably ask myself the next one. And the first I'm gonna ask myself is, what do you want Monica?

The first answer I came up with like out of nowhere is already making me laugh 'cause it's, I want life to be easier. Okay. You want life to be easier. Why do you want life to be easier? I'm just gonna keep asking myself that. I want life to be easier because it just feels like too much. Why does it feel like too much?

Because some days it is. Some days, and sometimes it is too much and I'm tired, and I think I've done it this way for too long.

Okay. I think that to me feels more like a heart of an answer there. I'm tired and I've done it this way for too long. Okay? So we want life to be easier. I wanna dig into that a little bit more with myself because. I know life isn't meant to be easy, and actually I don't think I want an easy life because I know that also can weirdly be a hard and vacuous and unfulfilling life.

So I guess I had asked myself, well, what? If we're not gonna ask, I want an easier life. What do you want life to feel like? Oh, I want life to feel rewarding. I want life to feel full. I want it to feel rich and beautiful and meaningful. Okay, so now I'm gonna ask myself, well, what would make life fill those things?

I think that's what the trip really highlighted for me. If I'm being honest with myself, for my life to feel more rich and full and meaningful, I need more time

and I can't invent more time. So now I'm thinking I, I think I need more downtime. I think I need more rest. And I feel dramatic. I feel dramatic right now, but. I feel like I need more time for reading and thinking and hobbies. Okay. That's really instructive. Why am I getting all teared up about this? Okay.

Because it feels right. Yeah. I'm tired and I need more of those things.

So today I wanna talk about how all of us, yes, every single person needs a hobby, and what you can do to begin to find one that is right for you. That is coming up after a quick break for our sponsors.

One of the things I did not have on my almost 40 bingo card is more allergies. Since I already have some kids who tend to struggle with allergies in general, I am now joining them in noticing the great difference between having good versus poor air quality.

This is why we love Air Doctor in our home. It's the only air purifier we use , and we are in good company. Air Doctor won Newsweek's Readers Choice Award for best air purifier with Air Doctor, we notice reduced allergy symptoms as an entire family, fewer odors around the home,

the cleaner air for my kids brings me a lot of peace of mind, as does the extra protection during wildfire season, air doctors, powerful three stage filtration captures particles about 100 times smaller than what typical air purifiers can remove.

Air doctor captures airborne contaminants that you do not want to be breathing in. Dust, pollen, mold spores, pet dander, wildfire, smoke, bacteria, viruses, odors and more, it has a whisper, quiet operation.

It's not loud like others on the market. And the auto mode feature is a big favorite of mine because it automatically kicks into different modes as needed, as well as an easy change filter reminder. So I don't have to guess when it's time to change my filter.

We are part of the 98% of Happy Air Doctor customers who say their home's, air feels cleaner, safer, and healthier. Head to air doctor pro.com and use promo code Monica to get up to $300 off today Air Doctor comes with a 30 day money back guarantee.

Plus a three year warranty. An $84 value free get this exclusive podcast only offered [email protected]. A-I-R-D-O-C-T-O-R-P-R o.com using promo code Monica.

Let me just start by reemphasizing what I learned in that little period and what I learned in sharing that vulnerable moment of me being like I have a good life, but also I'm like really burnt out and I'm feeling stuck. Even a good life can feel like too much sometimes even a life that you've chosen and that you wanted and that you still want and you still choose.

Can feel like it's too hard and that there are too many responsibilities and you're feeling lost and stuck in that beautiful life. This is what happens to many of us when we have been too responsible for too long, when life has only been about responsibilities.

When you do that on repeat, month after month, and eventually year after year. You lose sense of who you are and you hit a sort of breaking point. And mine from the fall taught me that life has to be more than getting things done. Life is more than to-dos.

Monica Packer: I need a hobby. I need a hobby bad.

In that clip I shared with you, I realized that I need a hobby.

I knew that in the fall, and I decided a more formal way to prioritize that, which I'll share more about in a moment. But in, in recognizing, oh, like this funk is actually about, like I need a hobby. It helped me reprioritize it in a new way and to value it than I was for years. Even though I've been working on prioritizing, putting myself in my life, that's what my do something list does.

I needed a little bit more of a regular way of doing that, and that's what I think sets a hobby apart. A hobby is a regular way you lean into your interests,

and I'll share more about what I mean by regular, but it doesn't have to be an everyday sort of habit. It's more of way that you are leaning into your interests, whatever they may be. And I wanted to speak to why hobbies matter so deeply. The first is that hobbies reconnect us with ourselves.

I really experienced this after the birth of my fifth child. 2023 was a very rough year for me. Overall. It was a survival mode for sure. On my Do something list was an interest that became a hobby that year, and it was painting sourdough loaves. I don't really do that now. I haven't done it very often, but I do a lot of sourdough baking, but making loaves and painting them for just like an extra 10, 15 minutes, , before I put a loaf in an oven truly saved me that year.

It helped me remember. Who I was in the midst of trying to care for a baby who wasn't really great at nursing or very happy all the time and trying to balance work and home life, and it just felt like my whole life kind of blew up a bit. , My normal level of productivity was like. Completely gone. And with that, a challenge to my identity.

And each time I took just a few extra minutes to paint a flower on a loaf of sourdough, and not even, well, I remembered that I am not what I get done in a day, that I'm not about my outcomes and that there's something deeper to who I am. So sourdough saved me that year, 2024 on my Do something list was to go to plays and musicals to get out and get cultured.

This has become an avid hobby of mine. Before it was just an interest and it was something that I wanted to do here and there. So that was why I put up my do set thing list. But it turned into a hobby and I've just learned my hobby is watching other people excel at what they do, and that's something I truly love.

So those are just two examples of how. A hobby that I've had has helped me reconnect with me. I think that hobbies are a form of self reclamation, of reclaiming that this is my life and this is my time occasionally, and I get to spend my life and my time on something that helps me feel like myself.

So hobbies matter because they help you reconnect with yourself. Another reason why hobbies matter is they provide dedicated time outside of responsibilities. Again, life is more than to-dos. When you have a hobby that you regularly prioritize, you also regularly give yourself a break from.

The pressures that responsibilities create and hobbies are a different form of rest. I think years and years ago, I had a guest on named Dr. Sonia Dalton Smith, who talked about, I believe seven types of rest, and they're not just about laying on the couch, even though those are, that's an important thing to do.

That's actually one of the things I realized from that funk is that I needed to rest more resting in a. Stereotypical way though is very challenging for me. I actually don't find it all that restful to lay down on the couch, although I try to do that with reading more. I, I get restless actually. It makes me more anxious.

So I've had to find more active ways of resting, like reading, which is also a hobby and reading on the couch.

But I've also found, as I've leaned into other hobbies that look like I'm doing things like making that tree skirt that I finally did in December kind of creates this different form of rest and restoration, really. I could think that's what rest is about. It's about restoration, , that hobbies provide.

As you're reclaiming your time, like we talked about, as you're reclaiming your life, you are also able to restore it in ways that really, really matter. We all need time outside of our responsibilities, and I don't think it should just be about privilege, about having tons of time or tons of money. It can be about little bits of time and little bits of money, or none at all.

And knowing that and owning that about a hobby can help you create that time outside of your responsibilities and to make that happen, I think it's essential. I truly do. I think it's like the Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I think it should be on there. Time outside of responsibilities, rest.

So the second reason hobbies matter is it provides time outside of rest. And the third is that hobbies create a space where you have no stake on how they turn out. The outcomes do not matter. Hobbies give you the chance to be a beginner or an amateur. They allow you the, the flexibility to learn, in other words.

You are allowed to be bad at things. Being good is not the point. You don't need to monetize your hobby. You don't need to judge your hobby. You don't need to compare it with other people. The point is to lean in and to be messy and to even be bad and to learn. And. When you remove the outcome, you're able to have that restorative time that we talked about.

You're able to reconnect with yourself and yeah, I think that's one of the things that matters so much about a hobby that there is no stake on how it turns out. Those were the three reasons that I think hobbies matter. I want you to think about why a hobby matters to you and how it would help you in your life.

As an example of this, this year I have launched into a personal challenge of sorts that I've been sharing a bit about on my messy middle monthly episode, and even more so in the monthly episode that I've been doing for my private premium AFRI podcast. More Personal, which is reserved for members of the Supporters Club.

I have been doing a challenge called My Hobby Year, where each month I explore a hobby, whether I bring back one from my past or I venture into a new one. In January, I focused on ballet, and that has been pretty hit and miss, after which I'll share more about, I sketch wildflowers in February and in March I learned about quilting and I'm gonna be actually quilting more in April.

Also in April, I plan to either hike or listen to audiobooks while I am doing puzzles. Those are some of the interests that I've had. I'm only a few months in clearly, but I have already learned so many things about myself, about hobbies, that I want to share them with you as you are thinking through how to find your own hobby.

So those tips and lessons are coming up. After a quick break for our sponsors,

You are not bad at habits. You've just been using the wrong method. My first book will be published this fall. It's called Sticky Habits, A Woman's Guide to Reclaim Happiness Ditch Perfectionism, and Create Habits That Last. It's set to release September 8th, but you can pre-order the book right now for three special bonuses.

This book is not about. Doing more. It's about building habits that survive real life, creating routines that flex instead of break. Letting go of perfectionism that keeps you quitting and learning how to keep promises to yourself. Again, even on hard days. In a world of self-help. That too easily ignores the invisible labor women carry. That changes everything because women must do habits differently. Sticky habits will teach you how to do so. Please pre-order the book now and check out the special pre-order bonuses by going to sticky habits book.com that's linked for you in the show notes.

I'm so thrilled for this book to be out in the world. It is several years in the making and I know it will change so much for you. Again, go to sticky habits book.com to pre-order the book now.

Welcome back. I'm going to be sharing some of the lessons that I've learned already in this short period of prioritizing hobbies more. I did start prioritizing hobbies more after that funk episode in September, or was it October that I shared? And so I was working on it more steadily, but this challenge has been a great way for me to push it more, to prioritize it more in that kind of hug and a kick in the pants way that I tried to do on the podcast.

So. I wanna start with a big tip, though. I think that hobby should be about your interests, whatever they are. And if you don't know what your interests are, this is when you need to go back to what your interests were as a kid. What did you like to do? How did you like to spend your free time? What were you really intrigued about?

What did you like to learn about? What extracurricular activities did you have that you devoted a lot of time to? So think about that. Another way for you to think about what your interests are is to think about what you see other people doing, and you have that. I wish I could do that thought, or even some jealousy.

Jealousy is a great teacher in many ways. It shows us what we are lacking and what we desire in our lives. So kind of think about what are you jealous of other people doing and making time for and that you wish you could do. Another way for you to uncover your interests is to create the Do Something list.

I've referenced it throughout this episode already. The Do Something List truly did change my life because it helped me remember who I was. And a lot of the Do Something List has led to hobbies. The Do Something List isn't about hobbies strictly, but it can help you uncover your interests so that you can turn them into hobbies if you like.

I have a free training for you to learn how to do the Do something list. You can go to about progress.com/gsl to sign up and to make your own. It's never too late in the year. You don't have to make one per year. You can do one per season, , or you can have a very short list.

So I encourage you to do that. So think about what are your interests that will help you know what hobbies to explore for yourself. Along with that, another lesson I've learned and a tip for you is that there is no hierarchy to hobbies. A lot of us think arts and crafts. When we hear the word hobbies, we automatically think, oh, it's about being artistic or musically gifted, or moving your body in a really important way, or being good at accepting no.

Hobbies are just again, about regular ways you lean into your interests. So whatever your interests are, apply. I have a friend. That listens to audiobooks while she does puzzles. That's Megan Briggs from Megan Book Club online, and I just thought that's such a fun hobby. Brad's hobby is he likes to run and the way he turns that into a hobby is he's trying to run

on every street in Salt Lake and he's filling up this map he has on Strava and he's done it in our local town, which is south of Salt Lake, and he's figuring out how to gradually expand to the greater Salt Lake area, which is really cool. I had another friend who was really interested in how tree sap can be turned into glue, and then to use it for woodworking projects.

What do you know? I often think of my grandpa who was a farmer and a coach and a teacher, and in his later years he did a lot of woodworking, but he also did a lot of cross stitching slash needle point. He beaded things for your windows. I have one hanging up right now. It's just like. A thing of beads that creates a tulip.

Um, I have one that I put up around the 4th of July. That's the American flag. And another thing he did was pixelated art, where it's like these tiny little squares that he would put on a pattern to make an art piece. And he did so many of them, and we all had to go through and claim the ones we wanted when he passed away.

And they weren't for show, they weren't for sale. , And what's funny about them is a lot of them weren't super macho, like, and manly. He, he just leaned into what he was interested in. So that's what I want you to think about is how am I placing shoulds and prescriptions on hobbies? Do I think it has to be about exercise or art?

Do I think I have to be good at them? How can I remove the hierarchy so that I can lean into my interests? The third lesson slash tip I have for you is you need to insert lightness into your hobbies in February. My hobby of choice for my challenge, my hobby year was to sketch wildflowers, and I thought a fun way for me to push myself to prioritize that.

Was to promise them as a card for each new member of the supporters club. And after I promised that, and then new supporters came in and I realized how long it took me to draw a wildflower, it kind of felt like a job. And I realized, oh, it's because I made it a job a little bit. I made a a bit of a responsibility.

I'm beholden to people now, but also I wanted it to be good for people. So instead, I wanted to keep that commitment. So what I did was insert lightness into it. I just told myself, this doesn't have to be good. I did the wildflowers while I listened to an audio book or a podcast I liked, or even while a show was on for the family.

So that added, added some lightness, and then just that whole endpoint of it being about it doesn't have to be good, it just has to be done, helped me lean into it. So I actually did have more fun doing it, and I've had to add that lightness in other ways, like with my ballet class when I'm just so terrible.

And I've learned to laugh at myself. I've learned to try and to not get frustrated with how I can't do things that were so simple for me 20 years ago or so. And adding in the lightness has been really fun. And the way for me to do that has actually been The fourth tip slash lesson that I've learned is a hobby is a wonderful and actually a hard way to challenge your inner perfectionist.

In other words,

Monica Packer: you will be bad at your hobbies. And when you own that, I'm gonna be bad at this and it's okay that I'm bad, then the lightness can come in more easily.

You will be surprised by how sneaky that inner perfectionist is, as you are sewing terrible pajama pants or you are a terrible hiker Or you get interrupted 500 times while you're trying to do that puzzle, you will remember it's okay that the outcome isn't perfect. It just matters that you are trying and that you're setting aside the time and leaning into your interests. That's the whole point of the hobbies. It's not about them being good or you being good at them.

So. That's kind of a bit of a daunting thing, I think for many of us. Like this challenge actually hasn't been all fun and giggles. I recorded a segment for a local talk show talking about this challenge and before I went on, I talked to the news anchor woman who, , was so nice to talk to me before and she's like, how has it been like doing all these new hobbies?

Has it been really fun? And I said, no, it actually hasn't been super fun. Like it's been challenging. I've, I've learned that my inner perfectionist is pretty strong still, and I've had to push back and I've had to kind of push myself to do things, like I've had to push myself to go to that ballet class or to push myself to sew something that I wanna sew, but.

When I release myself from the outcomes, then when I'm done doing the hobby, I do feel like I had fun. I feel fulfilled. I feel more like myself. It felt like time worth taking. So that's something to just know going into it. And if you don't have a lot of fun, that's okay. It's also part of exploration.

I've decided, , since the last two months, my ballet class has been near impossible to go to, thanks to something happening every Thursday night, which is when my classes i've decided, well, maybe I don't have to do ballet class. Maybe I can do a different kind of dance class. I'm exploring that. Um, and that actually goes with something else I'm gonna share for the final tip.

So I'll come back to that ballet class challenge in just a moment. The fifth tip slash lesson I wanna share with you is that regularity is more important than frequency. That may sound like the same thing, but it's not. Frequency to me is more like a habit, like, a set time aside that is. Very predictable.

Like daily, weekly, monthly, with hobbies in particular. I think doing it more regularly matters than it being super frequent, meaning like consistent.

I learned this from a woman who came on a how do you series a couple years back when she talked about how she got into quilting. And she surprised me 'cause she talked about how. She doesn't quilt like every day or week or month. She may quilt for a couple weeks and or a month or so to on a project and then leave quilting aside for many months and then come back to it.

That's a hobby that is regular enough. So that's the thing I want you to think about with hobbies is. It. It doesn't have to be a habit. It just has to be regularly prioritized. And if you can't put a timer on it, that's okay, as long as you are intentionally trying to prioritize it in a regular way.

And to help with that, I come to my sixth and final tip. You will likely have to be creative and persistent about prioritizing your hobby. You know, I often talk about how women must do habits differently. That's what my whole book is about coming up this fall. But I've learned in pursuing my hobby year that hobbies must be done differently too. It requires some creativity and persistence in order to ensure your hobbies happen.

And with that flexibility is important too. You have to go with the flow a bit. You have to alter your plans and doing so will help you persist in them. So while you don't have to have a timer on it, it does help to put it on the calendar, even if it's every other month or once a quarter. It's on the calendar.

You set it aside, you put it on the calendar. That's why I have loved the get out and get cultured hobby that I have now. It's because when I buy the ticket several months in advance, it's now on the calendar. I've Invested money in it so it makes sure I invest time in it when the time comes because it's literally on the calendar.

The ballet class I thought would help with that, but it hasn't because my family's life has blown up each Thursday night. So I have learned the creativity matters with it too. So I talked about how maybe I'll do a different type of dance class. That's a creative way.

I'm trying to still prioritize it, but also I've decided, well, maybe I just need to go to a different ballet school. Maybe there's a couple other local ballet schools or dance studios that have classes that are more drop in, so I can try more of a drop in style. So. When you embark on a hobby, you will have to be creative about being able to be persistent.

So I recommend scheduling it, like I said, um, knowing that you're gonna have to put some time and money in it, but also maybe some accountability is nice. Like if I knew a friend was gonna join me, I'd be more likely to go. So consider that accountability as a way to be persistent.

I will recap those six tips slash lessons in just a moment. But I wanna end this segment by coming back home to the fact that hobbies matter. And I wanna say that hobbies matter 'cause you matter and your life deserves to look and feel like your own. And hobbies are an excellent way for you to do that.

I want to encourage you to figure out a hobby or two that can help you reconnect with yourself, create time outside of your responsibilities. And that you can do it just for the pleasure of doing it. And as you do so, I would love to hear about it. You can email me at [email protected] and tell me about a hobby that you're leaning into.

And if you have a hobby that I can tag along with, I would love to do that too. So again, email me at [email protected].

I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants you need to grow. I'll now share the progress pointers. These are the notes that I take so you don't have to, and those on my newsletter, get them in an expanded graphic form each week. You can sign up at about progress.com/newsletter. Number one, life has to be more than your to-do list.

Number two, hobbies matter because they help you reconnect with yourself, help you prioritize time outside of your responsibilities, and create a space where you don't have to worry about an outcome. Number three, define your own hobbies. Start with your interests. Go back to what you liked as a child and or what you see others doing that you'd like to do.

Consider a do something list as a way to explore your interests. Number four, some things to keep in mind as you prioritize. Hobbies, there is no hierarchy, any interest counts. Carry lightness. Challenge your inner perfectionist and shoot for regularity rather than stringent frequency.

And number five, women must do hobbies differently. Get creative and be persistent to help put your hobbies on the calendar, invest in them, and seek accountability.

I hope you join me in your own hobby year and that this episode is really helpful for you. This podcast is listener supported. Members of the Supporters Club make my work free and available to all without additional ads or putting the podcast behind a paywall.

You can support this work and in exchange get access to three levels of exclusive benefits, including my private premium ad free podcast. More personal by sending up at about progress.com/support and level. Start at just $2 a month and max at $7 a month. You can also support the show for free. The most important way to do that right now is to organically share this episode with a friend.

Is there someone that you would love to join with you on a hobby? Text them the link to this episode so they can listen and together you can prioritize a hobby of your choice. Thank you so much for listening. Now go and do something with what you learned today.